stupid friends (continued)

well, after all the drama and anger, i finaly moved to the 2nd phrase which was sadness. i still didnt cry but i was sad... which was weird since there is no logical reason that i should be, yet i was. many thoughts went through my head, leaving me more helpless then the last, does it he even care, does he?

then

if he doesnt....

if he does then why did he act the way he did?

i never ment through the "what if he doesnt?"

i realize that 20 years from now i will look back and laugh... or rather me, i'll be ambarassed by my part in it.

my mum to has lost a friend, or one she thought was one so she knew what i was going through, which was a relief, she told me what oscar wilde said, he said "friendship is more tragic then love, simply because it lasts longer" or something like that.

my 2 bestfriends are having a fight to, about not being best friends anymore. sound familiar?

only in their case its not to be bestfriends, in mine, its never to be friends anymore.

ash reckons i liked him more then a friend, i said OF COURSE. but i chose not to act that way, partly because i know he does not like me more than that at the time (i dought he likes me at all now, i think he might hate me) yet the thought was never acted on.... after the 2nd break-up.

looking back i know i'm too young and still am... even if today is my birthday.

i'm fourteen today! not that he remembered nor ever did but now i know its just because he is just a guy,

i no longer feel useless nor depressed, in places of those emotions lies exceptance (that does NOT mean i forgive him for that way he abandoned me that day and how indiferent he reacted to when i told him we were no longer bestfriends...now i wonder if i was even his best friend. he was mine. if not best, definately good friend. maybe he still is, that is probably why i still can forgive him... i know it sounds cheesy but it really is what i think... and unlike a burger, i cant control all the cheese that comes into my brain (that sounded weird)

i want to say tanx to ash for picking up all my distressed phone call.... and aqil did remember my b'day... aqil if you are reading this, you are not forgiven... until you figure out what exactly you have to do and how.
then i might forgive you.
if you think i'm going to give in as easily as before, then you are wrong.