past midnight rantings

Growing up is never easy but i have to say i have grown in the past 6 month...wow, its already been 6 months.i'm not the person i was at then end of last year, i have changed radically. for the worse?
fuck if i know.
stories and decisions that made no sense to me before suddenly hold meaning, frankly, i'm scared shitless!
new emotions, jealously, hate, acceptance, longing, getting over the longing and writing about longing and getting over the longing. not just that, friendships now mean more to me than ever, i've started to get ATTACHED to something, that is debate. i actually care about it, and that scares me shitless too.

My mum is starting to annoy me more ( i was honestly wondering when i would start to get annoyed by her seriously in the ways the movie depicted, waited for it, didnt think it would ever happen...now i can feel all the directors of teen disney movies ponting and laughing gleefully at me) i actually want to be ALONE and think things over (as in ummi dont BOTHER ME!)
starting to listen to the actual lyrics of songs (i currently have the lyrics to "save yourself" stuck in my head....jeez thanks to the person who intro's them to me. this is ur fault)

I also learned a lot about the opposite sex, mostly that they are actually capable of having feelings and that not all of em are assholes just most. and most of the time they don't even know they're being assholes. and some know perfectly well but because of some reason i cannot fathom (which annoys me) they keep on doing what it is they're doing and play with you like a doll, i gues if you treat life like a joke, then you treat ppl like a joke, i just hope the ppl start treating the person like a joke in return. but what would that solve? ah. fuck.its not as if i was never a bitch before. emotions make you do stupid things, sometimes i wonder how something so illogical could be triggered by a perfectly well,organized and logical system like the brain that sends out hormones that scientists claim produce emotions.

fuck it all. i'm going to sleep, and hopefully i wont wake up tomorrow in time for school.