Reality bites (less than it did before)

The world (as i know it)

2011-05-21T02:26:00.000-07:00

I love Malaysia, where else can you get good food, great friends and political scandals?

well, to be fair, you have those in other countries as well, but to me, the difference is that its not MY good food, MY great friends or MY political scandals (im sure i will have a few in the future)

This love is tainted however. Tainted by perception and racial tension. before last year, i did not notice this. i did not know what an indian Macha was. i just thought that indians were indians and that they made good lawyers. similarly, i thought chinease were chinease and not "lala" and the malays were malays and not "rempits". i felt sad that this bubble burst.

I was never one to judge a person based on anything. Race, religion, sexual orientation or sense of humour (im sure einstein could not crack a joke if he wanted to), but lately, i find myself looking at machas, lalas and rempits more often. A part of me thinks i was blind before and that i finally woke up. Another part of me thinks that society is blind enough to ignore the entirety of a person and quickly smack labels in people's heads like they label meat in supermarkets. "Austalian beef" , "indian beef, hell, we're even racially branding our MEAT now.

Is it wrong to start smacking labels on a person's head the moment you meet them?

first we have to think of WHY society smacks labels on people in the first place. FEAR. fear of the unknown. think about it. if you were at a store shopping for shoes, then you spot one really unique pair that you think would match your new jacket. you are so happy to have spotted it. your hands shiver as you grab it, feeling the shoe beneath your palms. then the moment of truth comes. you turn the shoe over to check its price tag, only to find out there IS no price tag. suddenly, you lose all interest in the shoe and walk out of the shop. Deciding that the shop owner is a scumbag who cheats and you dont feel safe buying a shoe from that person, as much as you dont feel safe buying food from the foodstalls beside the streets in KL. No one can blame you...but those were still REALLY nice shoes.

To me, i think its alright to label people as long as you have a correction pen to change and correct that label after knowing the person you labelled for a little longer. First mpressions cant be helped and i believe that they do hold some merit. However, dont let yourself tie another person dont with labels as much as you should not let other people label you. Dont judge another person due to their label, cuz for all you know, you may have "asshole" labeled on your own forehead! ;) i know i have "crazy, unstable and radioactive" labelled on my forehead, so i dont judge the dude at the LRT station who sings songs and dances with wild curly uncombed hair. mainly because i know he copied the hairstyle from lady gaga.

in this fab country, we have a moto. "ONE MALAYSIA" loud and proud and upright. people think its stupid cuz they dont believe it will ever happen. especially not to a country which, geografically is not ONE at all! but i think it is possible. Not by forcing people to think of each other as the same, but to know that we are all different and accept as well as love that fact!

Just the same as how the majority of the society think that lady gaga is weird and a lil' bit nuts, but still listen to her music and support her! Have a little faith Malaysia. It will take ya a lllloooooonnnnnggggg way ;)

adios till later.

past midnight rantings

2010-06-01T13:14:00.000-07:00

Growing up is never easy but i have to say i have grown in the past 6 month...wow, its already been 6 months.i'm not the person i was at then end of last year, i have changed radically. for the worse?
fuck if i know.
stories and decisions that made no sense to me before suddenly hold meaning, frankly, i'm scared shitless!
new emotions, jealously, hate, acceptance, longing, getting over the longing and writing about longing and getting over the longing. not just that, friendships now mean more to me than ever, i've started to get ATTACHED to something, that is debate. i actually care about it, and that scares me shitless too.

My mum is starting to annoy me more ( i was honestly wondering when i would start to get annoyed by her seriously in the ways the movie depicted, waited for it, didnt think it would ever happen...now i can feel all the directors of teen disney movies ponting and laughing gleefully at me) i actually want to be ALONE and think things over (as in ummi dont BOTHER ME!)
starting to listen to the actual lyrics of songs (i currently have the lyrics to "save yourself" stuck in my head....jeez thanks to the person who intro's them to me. this is ur fault)

I also learned a lot about the opposite sex, mostly that they are actually capable of having feelings and that not all of em are assholes just most. and most of the time they don't even know they're being assholes. and some know perfectly well but because of some reason i cannot fathom (which annoys me) they keep on doing what it is they're doing and play with you like a doll, i gues if you treat life like a joke, then you treat ppl like a joke, i just hope the ppl start treating the person like a joke in return. but what would that solve? ah. fuck.its not as if i was never a bitch before. emotions make you do stupid things, sometimes i wonder how something so illogical could be triggered by a perfectly well,organized and logical system like the brain that sends out hormones that scientists claim produce emotions.

fuck it all. i'm going to sleep, and hopefully i wont wake up tomorrow in time for school.

The rabbit hole

2010-05-23T07:44:00.000-07:00

I hate it when I say hello
And he smiles
I hate it when he makes me
Feel happy
I hate yo so much
But at the same time
I yearn for your touch

Oh NO! not again
I'm falling, I'll hurt myself
Again
I don't want to pick up the pieces
Every piece I pick up
The wall comes back stronger
The more i break
The less time it takes to fix
I don't wanna care less
But i don't wanna be in distress

Why cant you just
STAY the way you are?
Why can it just work out
And not end in a war?
Why cant i just fall and have you catch me?
Why cant i just fall and be happy?
But no
When i fall i hit the sidewalk
I'll be torn, i don't wanna talk

Too many questions and no answers
I'm tired of asking
You're just wasting my time
You play around
You'll never be mine
And I'm tired of trying
I'm tired of searching
"I don't want this" cried my mind
But my hear isn't so kind

The rabbit hole is deep
The rabbit hole is steep
So easy to fall in
So hard to get out
Nobody knows how deep it goes
All you know is that

Your heart leads you there
You will start to care
You'll remember the smell of their hair
And when they're gone
You'll be the one in the nightmare
You'll be the one with the blank stare

from another perspective

2010-05-21T20:56:00.000-07:00

there are two parts of this poem, form the perspective of two people.part one is from a teenage boy and part two is from a teenage girl. generally the theme is fucked up families.enjoy :) drop comments if you have any constructive criticism to drop, or just comment for the heck of it, i dont mind.

Part 1

Life everyday...living in fear
I try to run away
But somehow i end up back here
Who can i turn to?
Who can i talk to?
I try not to cry
I'm afraid to.

My father fucked up his life
By having me
HE tells me everyday of this history
His pride is so big...he hates my mother
He hates that i remind him of his time with her

As she looks at me, she remembers him
As he looks at me, he remembers her
So much of hate in one family
The evidence scars my body

Part 2

I never knew him that well
Maybe once in a while i see him
Thats all
When he died, I felt cold
I didn't care
But when they pulled the glass out
All i could do was stare
I tried to cry and some tears came out
But worse was my mother,for once she cried aloud

The money was important
More important than me
They acted all kind
They made us blind
But when he went
It was plain to see
The family was rich with hypocracy

I moved away, I stayed clear
I listened to the phone calls
They'll ask "why aren't you here?"
To which I nod and pretend
The words I want to say
Will only offend

Debate @ KDU

2010-03-14T18:37:00.000-07:00

hell, i have not written a word for a long time (including homework). so how did i find myself jotting down numerous word on topics i did not know shit about? debate. that's how. we were given 20 minutes of prep time. every speker has to speak for tops of 7 mins. so basicly we craped a lot. even through the haze of crap the CBN team managed to make it to the quarter finals but we had the bad luck to run into SMK King George v. we lost. duh. but for a first timer winning 5 debates out of 7 is pretty damn great. The whole time we were debating with KGv i was taking notes on how to improve my debating skills. shhhh. dont tell my team, they'll slaughter me alive.

Apart from the debate anthics i found myself making friends with new people and reconnecting with some old friends (who has yet to return my fish), i met some kids from SMK BUD (3), some dudes from la salle and kepong. new old friends from SMK BJ (the SMK i was supposed to go to), some Asunta girls,some MGS girls, one girl form some school in johor that i met in the bathroom and some girls from CBN who i've known by sight but never really bothered to find out their names (i'm glad i did through).

As for the guys in debate. I have no idea why but i think that some gals rounded up all the funny, cool, good looking guys , shoved them into a van and drove them to the KDU debate. WHO ever said that debaters were geeks, must have been jocks... or blind. This was the only place where the guys were capable to make FRIENDS with girls instead of falling in love with them on sight and wolf whisling like a hyena whose balls are being chomped on by pirannas (i'm talkin about you St john, most of the jocks anyway).

We had weird topics, amongst them, should the USA assasinate Ahmadinejad,Should they give away free condoms in public schools, should homosexuality be included in sex education, should there be military intervension in sumalia (we debated that one, and i only found out AFTER the debate that sumalia does NOT have a working government), and the final debate between KGv and Sri Permata was along the lines of, religious sites are credible targets for war. On the gov site was KGv. They lost but to be fair, i thing they got a shit bomb and sensitive topic. They also debated with class unlike the Permata boys who were openly laughing at them and acting totally unprofessional.

hehe, i met my old school at KDU and decided to say hi to the team. Then,i found out that a certain old friend was in debate....i was like, WTH!!! oh well, fine. he was there the first day, but we were so busy that we only managed to talk on the 2nd day. i have not seen this good friend of mine for around 2 years i thing but i have known him since i was 9 (i think). it was good to finally see him after so long and we caught up. The girls of CBN were taking pictures of him (including the one where he was doing his dr evil, i'm-gonna-destr0y-the-world-one-austin-powers-at-a-time pose) i'm kinda afraid they're gonna put in in our school mag next year.

Over all i had a great time, despite feeling like throwing up before every single debate and having a poli-urea moment during every one of my debates (the feeling of wanting to pee which is trigered by being extremely butt-numbingly sphinchter-muscle-relaxingly nervous). I hope i'll be able to do this again for a long time. A little inside joke for my old friend

the evolution of man

Still nothing, until something,when there's supposed to be nothing

2009-06-11T04:27:00.000-07:00

yeah, long title...
anyway, i'm not going to go anywhere, this entire two weeks of holiday (other than the place where i go everyday) which is not considered a holiday because i am studying (yeah i now...weird for me, i normally spend my free time reading story books) but this sunday, monday,tuesday, i'm going to Pinang!!! i'm so excited! plus, my mum says she's gonna do some soul searching, which basicly means... no facebook and blogspot 24/7! which means more net time for me!!!

we're planning to go hiking with aunty Vasanti and her husband. me, my mum,my mum's friend and my mum's friend's husband. Ass for my mother's swolen middle finger... she's going to have to pit-stop at Taiping to get a trusted orthopedic to look at it (also another one of her friends, the very sarcastic and funny uncle mohan!) who will probably have to extract the infected bits out of the nail... worse comes to worse nail surgery... i hope not.

In the last post (for those of you who actually bothered to read it) i said i would write a short story in my next post, as you can see i did not. but no worries... i get really inspired on holidays (that is, if i manage to stay awake on the journey to my holiday) i'll get back to you on that.

i'm signing off. cuz i HAVE to change my layout, it hurts even MY eyes!

nowhere and everywhere

2009-06-09T19:24:00.001-07:00

this i did not go anywhere but i did. i foolowed my mum to work, to ikano,to one utama,to MPH to the curve, the apartment,bank negara,kl central,pj then back to BJ where i slave in front of the piano trying to play a song by some less-than-popular-compared-to-bach composer who died before i was born or even thought of being conceived by my parents.

so as you see i'm going somewhere, right here in the selangor-wilayah persekutuan path, you get soem fab veiws by the highways... you know, accidents,squables some danged politicians with police escorts trying to cut through trafic, the public pays their cheques by way of tax, they make us pay... in more ways than one...

i'm mostly burried in books, both academic and fiction, so far in these two weeks i have finished, the riven kingdom, puppy love and am now reading hammer of god, the third book in the godspearker trilogy by Karen Miller. blah blah blah, mum mum has now gotten a swollen finger, her middle finger, and yet she still insists of logging on facebook and blogging... she calls me a sadist i call her a masochist (assuming i spelled it right...dont answer this)... she also stilll insist on cooking.... like cutting onions...with a freakin big swollen middle finger which hurts like hell.

i'm thinking of writing a short story on this blog soon...or later, depending on how long my mum's finger is swollen and how much homework my droid teachers give...and that exam in july...and bulan puasa... oh yeah...and PMR. its amazing how 3 letters can so utterly formidable (that is to say, a REALLY big pain in my donkey...ass)

i'm also getting the new i-pod chromatic, with my own money, i can't believe i saved enough, i almost changed my mind and saved for an i-touch, but its big, fragile, and i cant take it out for jogging or any physical activities without it being a pain. as for the i-phone, i find it a complete waste of money if you live in malaysia, too many functions that are useless, and whats the point of having straight axcess to the internet and i-tunes when most malaysians dont have a paypal to buy the danged tunes... you also have to pay additionally if you want one of the tunes you bought from the itunes store to be your ring tone, which is complete crap. waste of money, i'd rather keep my MP4/MP3 seperate from my phone/ MP3 . that way i can still download free music.

nevermind, i'm signing off. buh bye.

killa sista!

2009-04-15T05:23:00.000-07:00

Jackson came to our school and gave a bomb of a speech, he brought the house down! he rocked, i got a free dvd for coming up with one of the 3 most original right answer to explain what a top students do to be top students... out of ...whats 35 eight times? oh yeah, 280 students, (only form 3's) i'm still feeling a lil' smug about it. alini and rhupa got the other two dvd's. then we had this exercise where we had to stand at the back of the hall and then each one of us had to cross to the front of the hall but each of us had to do it in a different way, no repeats, that means once one person skips, the other 279 students cant skip. i gotta tell you, i had to go first b4 the others use my idea. so i skipped, hiked up my skirt in a heidi way and skipped gaily through, i liked ash and nani's one, they did the wave all the way through, someone else did a piggy back, another did a bride over the treshold (thats how you spell it right?).

today i had to do the paper run in school. the school paid newspapaper for the form 4's and 5's, to improve their language sincxe it is our nitch area, especially in english, you'll be suprised how many ppl dont know how to speak english in cbn, and they refuse to learn!! anyway, i got to school late today since it rained, so as a punishment, i, aazraa and shaza had to distribute the paper to the classes, which was kinnda confusing cuz some classes had to change classrooms cuz one of the girls broke her leg, kesian dea. but kesian me too!! i had to go up and down stairs to one end of the school to the other.dang, well, at least i got this week's fill of exercise. this year i am not rep'ing my school for anything athletic this year.damn, i guess i'm now the powerless female that men, i mean "boys" seem to fall for.i guess shawty did get low.

i'm kinda dissapointed that my mum decided not to go to singapore for the "nine inch nails' concert... cuz if so, she has to renew her passport. which will cost rm300 for each of us, and after the holiday we took in redang, we gotta save money. she's off in a jit murad show (he's a comedian) at god knows where with my aunt and getting home, god know when. weeee hoooo!!!

anyway i gotta go sejarah calls. i freaking hope i score high in sejarah... damnit....i deserve it. and you know what else i deserve?! to freeze my ass of in an airconditioned eskimo theater watching shopaholic! btw, aqil, that reminds me, i rad one of your other posts... the one about how many shoes you own?... you're not a shopaholic, but why the hell do you know how many shoes you own? i see my shoe i think "oh thats cute" and a put it on! same wit my pants and shirt n bag.and my brain when it goes down the drain. and fazzy!!! throw the boxfull of lipgloss in your room! MAC just came up with a new set! ok. i'm babbling...............
transformer 2 is comin out this year.

CBN'ers or robots?

2009-04-03T03:08:00.000-07:00

ay yay yay yay yay!!!! i'm so busy! so busy that my blog has turned into a micheal jackson (soon to probably be Mikail Al Jackson due to the fact that he converted into islam), dark and forgotten. oops, i mean white and forgotten.

my book intake is now only 1 book per week due to the fact that i have to now read about how the Malayan Union battled the PKM flers and reduced chin peng's multi-chins to one by cutting down the food supply to the PKM flers through Min Yuen while watching Britney's new video (if you see amy) on YouTube (which by the way does not make any sense, who the hell is AMY? dont tell me brit is doin' a lindsday and turning gay?).

the school expect us to do so much, i stayed up until 3am in the morning from doing my homework. i started doing the homework at 7 (thats when i get home). i have my Wushu lessons (and exams), i've got my Agama kerja Khursus (at which i am losing marks due to the fact that i dont wear a tudung) and a bunch of other stuff that i don't remember. And on top of all that they expect me to go to the fishathon (a thon where you go fishing) instead of celebrating my mum's b'day (which she spent in the traditional true indian way by giving others presents on your b'day, i was on the receiving end)!

i can't believe how hard school is when you actually give a shit. darn PMR! but i have to study to get into science stream, because i have now decided i wanna be a doc (i cant imagine myself being anything else except a policewoman)

i'm back from my holiday in redang, for 3 weeks now and its hectic, as it is i'm only gonna get 2 hours of sleep because i'm writing this. oh well. about my holiday. it was fab here are some pix.
oh wait!!! i did not have time to transfer them to my LT. fishelydoodle dandy.

oh well, SMK cbn had our language week this week, with drama comps,eloquation,poetry recitation,impromptu and so on. i almost forgot about debate (the form 5's challenged the afternoon session girls to a debate.. looks like the juniors bit their tongue when they actually got a chance to talk) LDDS now are recruiting future actresses for drama. i hope i get in, but plz no death scenes and no more bitchfighting models!!! i'm sick of playing those.

our black rose performancde had to be put on hold cuz neither aliya,ash,amira,harshiah nor i have tiem. amira with her hockey,aliya n harsh on gym, ash and me on clashing timetables. its a wonder how all of us have time to be friends. of even scout out guys. ash and i still do sometimes. mainly cuz my taste differs from aliya's and fazzy's who both seem to like softies who dont know they're softies YET (btw fazzy likes dafi. need i say more?) but then again st. john does not have much to offer anyway, cept for one fler i scouted 2 years back who now turns out to be a master debater and makes all the girls go woo! and to think i spotted him 2 years ago. but anyway, no boyfriends. i've just realized there is more to life than falling in love(god that sounds cheesy)

anyway i gotta go, cuz now i've only got 1 hour and a half of sleeping to do... but first i'm gonna watch hannah montana on you tube.(yes i'm a disney junkie) i also like nine inch nails in passing and sweating through physical exertion (and i'm talking about sports) i hope i pass my wushu belt. there is just something about knowing you can kick ass of anyone around (that is if i pass the test). btw, i've also got intervensi, so those ppl who bothered to read this crap plz wish me luck. tanx.

tick tock and its a day tikady tick and its a month

2009-02-26T02:57:00.000-08:00

god!!! my blog has been super abandoned ever since the new year the only post i have written was the tag post thingie. my sports day is next week... no wait! its this saturday and the school took it to themselves to apply really stupid precautions to the event. for example no male over 10 years of age is allowed at the stadium except for fathers, grandfathers and uncles... no cousins over 10 and no brothers over 10. and they want a full stadium.... WTH!!! we're having our sports day at bukit jalil this year, and since its really big, they wanted to make sure that its filled... but then, they go on and put stupid precautions like that. i guess thay're afraid we'll bring our boyfriends.... what the hell are we gonna do? make out in the middle of the stadium?
also, no handphones unless its to contact your mum, and no texting,no listening to music and no taking out your phone unless you want to contact your parents. no MP3's, no walking near the vip booth, when we clap, they only want clapping, no shouting or hooting, parents are not allowed to wear sexy cloathes, no sleveless cloathes, so they non-muslims have to cover up their arms even if its hot in the stadium.

they are even trying to control our parents!!! like school children, i know that the teachers are to shy to show their flabby arms in a sleveless but dont try and control our parents. its ridiculous. they want the stadium to be quiet during the speech made by the vip from sarawak (whose name rhymes with sarawak) but we are only allowed to bring children under 10 years old to the event... do you think the kids will shut up when the vip (who is sitting in the shade) gives a long and tedious speech while the 10 year old listen under the hot sun? i doubt it.

so , moving on, CBN held a unoficial prom with the VI (victoria's institution) and invited joey G to host it. and when the bill came, the girls and guys did not pay him. the girls who held it were the form 5 girls of last year and when Joey G called the school to tell em' to cough up. the school firmly said that they did bot owe them anything. the school also withheld the SPM results until the girls who organised it paid up.

its sad how far these girls would go to have fun... the school gave us a long lecture about these parties. but did not stop to think why these girls did it in the first place. obviously it was to have a FUN prom a REAL prom.since the school did not give it to them, they did it themselves, and without supervision... which is even worse. and the school has the cheak to lecture all of us under the hot sun (we assemble outside in the tennis court after recess) about something that they did not do. wasting our time. they can inform us of what hapened, not for 30 minutes (althrough i was happy i skipped sejarah) we jugak yang kene.

other than that i have not introduced you to my teachers.

sejarah-althrough she teaches about event remembered from the past, i doubt i'd remember her if she were standing in front of me. she is utterly boaring. she comes in askes us to read a page. and when she explains it she reads the sasme page again.

BI-very stingy with marks,loves formal writing

BM- a good teacher... but utterly expressionless. she looks like she has botox, but she is nice.

sivik- i think he may be gay. but he's married, he's nice.too nice. he gives me a toothache.

science-strict,funny and taps our hands while saying "notty notty" when we have long nails.

PJK- first PJK teacher who actually sticks to the sylibus stated by the text book insted of letting us play netball of badbinton or volleyball or tennis. instead we have to go up and down benches for 10 minutes non-stop

seni- funny,cool, and fab at drawing

KH- good teacher, a bit over on the details sometimes. pairs work shirts with batik long skirts... but i do love her shoes.

agama-the only time she smiles is when she is making fun of someone and "memalukan" someone. loves making fun of people, never really teaches... mostly she gives us notes to do.

math-i have no idea what she teaches... not good with teaching, but when you ask her 1 on 1 then only she makes sense. kinda blur.and a bit innocent.

see what i have to go through on a daily basis?
as it is i've got wushu,chess,LDDS,piano exams,exams,PMR and tuition...oh, and findig time to have a life. i'm so tired that my me and my mum are goin on vacation at Pulau redang next week. just the beach,bikini's,sand,wind,canoeing and snorkelling! and hopefully some friends i can play with who will smile back at me. i notice a large population of malay guys tend to look away when i smile at them while most of the non-malay guys dont.i have no idea why, when you smile, it does not mean you have to couple, i am not trying to flirt with you, i'm TRYING to be nice, but you guys are making it real hard on me. whe the malay guys do smile at me, its that "miang" smile...urgh... shivers. the other day on friday, i was walking back home with my friend ash (she's a girl) we passed by these two form 1 guys(about a foot shorter than me and a FORM 1 kid), one of them looked at me up and down in a very disgusting manner and raised both his eyebrows 2 times,rapidly. i looked at him like...WHAT? ew! later ash asked me why short guys always seem to like me. i said, i dont know, they look up to me.

ash laughed.anyway, i gotta go hannah montana on you tube is calling (yes i am 15 and i watch hannah montana put it on the front page of the sun).

tagged by aqil...again.

2009-01-31T20:01:00.000-08:00

Directions: Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a blog or a note on Facebook with sixteen random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose ten people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment (”you’re it”) and to read your blog. You can’t tag the person who tagged you. Since you can’t tag me, let me know when you’ve posted your blog/note, so I can see your weirdness.

1 i am 14 (most ppl think i'm 18 due to my height as well as the way i talk after reading "the knights templar"

2 i love hipster under pants because i have a flat belly

3 my fav outfit is my bikini cuz i love the beach... and snorkling, i just wish that i'll be able to go diving one day and bundgee jumping

4 i am a cheerleader who loves going camping,running,hiking and sweating. i have also tried firefox and rodeo bull, all the guys tried to beat me and the girls tried to show me up. 1 guy managed to and 2 girls broke their nails

5 i dont like soapy guys and i have a very sharp tongue when a guy hits on me. i'm not interested.especialy when the same guys asks for my number from my friend. talk about pathetic. i want geeks who can carry out a conversation and makes me laugh! i'm gonna die a spinster.

6 i read my mum's and my friend's minds (yes i'm talkin about you ash,faz,fat cat,sucjita and sonia) all my mum has to say is "get the thing from there next to the box with that patern on that document"
and i know that she meant "get the phone from the stairs next to the box with the wraping paper paterns on top of my greek myth document"

8 i wonder why ppl wonder about themselves, like "i wonder why i talk" you talk because you have a mouth...duh. no need to reincarnate einstein for THAT.

9 i once swore in german in front of the whole school and has said sex in class when the teacher was....is a male...lucky he was a sport.

10 in the last two months i have watched over 20 movies including taken,house bunny,body of lies and bolt.

11 loves english lit,world history and, science and math... my tuition teacher cannot out pun me, i always manage to out smart him when it comes to arguments, he'll just end up laughing along.

12 doesn't give a shit what ppl think unless they are close to me. i hate losing friends unless they lose me (by betraying me)

13 when i talk to someone about my problems, i want them to listen and not give "i'm older than you" advice... they should also comment when they are supposed to... like all females. guys out there remember. "listen" and try not to fall asleep

14 loves watching "the nanny", "CSI", "hannah montanah","the suite life on deck", any documentaries on mummies,incans,mayans and loves greek myth.also loves to write and has gotten commended and distiction for two international english related comp, one of them is the commenwealth essay comp...

15 has close friends who always seem to avade an "A" in agama

16 dances while cleaning the house, i'll dance,dust,work out,sing and sneeze at the same time...aaaccchhhoooo.
sorry.

taged

marieneko

ash

faz

debra

petra

sushi girl

harshiah

mao fong

thats it, the rest of you deleted you ur blog...

countdown to suicide year.

2008-12-28T02:44:00.000-08:00

well,the holidays are at an end. i would love to say finally, but i cant.
only because i have not finished my homework.
but other than that, i'm pretty glad its OVER, i got so bored that i carved a chunk of plaster that fell of the ceiling into a paper weight, and i changed the pattern of my scotch tape, i dont like plaids, not that particular design anyway.
but there are good things for me next year (even if its PMR)... like...
hold on i'm still thinking...
nothing.
oh wait!!!
my mum redid my study room!!! it now has corner shelves and it stretches almost all the way to the ceiling, i have now more space than books (for the first time ever)
but there was some trouble with one of the corner shelf (which happens to be a CD rack ) it was not stable and kept leaning backwards, my mum told me to stuff something behind so that it wont move anymore...
and being me, i stuffed all of the boxes used to package the bookshelves before and stuffed em' behind there (now thats what i call recycling!)
and next month my mum's getting me an aircond (which is a big deal) since i have not been allowed an air cond before cuz my mum says it builds character and so on and so forth, and told me her life story before i dropped it.
my mum has finally decided to put the AC in my study room cuz before i never actually sat in it and studied (not even in UPSR year, which was why i was so suprised that i got all A's and tricked my uncle into forking 500 bucks)
so my mum did all this to make sure i studied in my study room.
she spent a lot of money redoing it, which is why i am now starting to take my mum's threat of marrying me off if i did not do fantastic for my PMR...

and i'm here screaming "SHIT!!!! I ACTUALLY HAVE TO STUDY THIS TIME!!!"

and speaking of my study room, my mum and grand dad just came back from ikea after dashing in and dashing out for 3hours.

today is sunday and my grandad came back from IKEA shocked thast it is packed so late in the afternoon... hehe, he still ahs a lot to learn about woman and IKEA.
men, they never learn. i remember him saying "alah, dah petang dah, semua org dah balik "
yeah right!

so i now have no books to read, so one night my mum came into my room and caught me reading "in the fifth at Malory Towers" by Enid Blyton and laughed out loud or lol.
she apparently found it funny that a girl who has read the da vinci code, angel's and demon's, pride and prejudice, loves Trudi Canavan would be stuck reading Enid Blyton
yeah, HAHA very funny!
thats the price you pay for having a nice studyroom and floor to almost ceiling book shelf...
no books... ironic no?
as it is my mum promised a suficient decrease of my book intake and suficient increase in my tuition next year, i have no books to read this year.
Boo Hoo.
oh yeah, i'm also gonna cut my hair short so i dont have to bother with it next year (its so bloody anoying) but i have yet to actually CUT it yet, i've been waiting 4 almost a month.. i waited 2 month for the first hair cut...
i wonder how long i have to wait for this one.
but i am absolutely determined to make my hair look as if Edward Scissorhand did a number on my hair. in order not to have any distractions next year...
yeah i know i know, i being a teen girl in the 21st century, should not want to look ugly.
but i have always been weird (its only called accentric if you're rich) other girls go shopping, i go camping on an island near Pinang. go figure.
anyway, i gotta go, my still amazed grandad, my grandma and my mum are contemplating wheter my granma's kuih bakar is basi or not, they asked me to sniff it and not suprisingly, i could not smell it due to my nose that is acting like a leaky pipe, unfortunately, my nose cant be fixed by twisting it with spanar. unfortunately.

beauty beauty on the wall, who is the stupidest of them all?

2008-12-18T23:17:00.000-08:00

so i was stuck in Kajang (again) and (as usual) i watched tv and laughed.
i turned on WHI (wanita hari ini) and laughed... they have beauty products called "cintaku acne" ...
right, my love acne... perfect name for a cream designed to BANISH acne... go figure, them there are products like ass firmers.... what is it? the gym??? nope, its a cream that burns your tush when you put it on, then they have whitening powder for medium to dark skinned ppl who want white radiant skin, weird thing is, the colour of the powder itself is not for dark toned ppl... so you look like a theater actress!!! so before you become white you have to wear powder that looks like powder?
i thought that when you wear make up you wanna look beautiful... not like the phantom of the opera?
so then a bride segment came on and i found out that the trend for bride's nowdays is natural...
then i look at the models and i see an inch of powder on their face which is obviously whiter than thair necks, lips dat beat Mulan's wen she was gonna meet her matchmaker at the start of the film and cheeks that looked as if someone slapped them a thousand times over on each cheek?
if that's natural, then all the rest of us must look like clowns!!!

anyway, i'm stuck in holiday blues...i'm bored i miss my friends!!!
ash,aazraa,faz,nani,alia,sucjita,denise,vanilla,nicole,harshiah,sue jinn,debs and the whole family!!!
cnt wait to go back even through the teachers are badx10 and i have to meet the seniors... plus i dont know if i wanna try out for a school team next year, i'm thinking olahrga or chess, cnt decide.
and i'm thinking of going 4 club interact but my mum said no... i dont know why she wont give me a straight answer. so the other choice is malay Drama club... i dont mind the drama...its just the malay part dat bothers me. and the rest of hte choices are crap.
buh bye.

finaly i have seen Twilight

2008-12-10T16:18:00.001-08:00

so i finally watched Twilight!!!
with my mum
yeah i know, sad, a waste of sweet movies i tell ya!!!
but it was worth it, i finally managed to make my mum like a guy.
but...
there is a problem
this is what she said "ooohhh, one thing i know is that i am DEFINITELY marrying a Vampire"
yup, my mum has found what she likes, unfortunately, its the wrong species,state of well-being, and ...interests.
my mum always said guys are only interested in one thing... yeah right!
i'm sure Vamps have the same... INTERESTS as everyone else (everyone else who drinks blood that is)
so anyway,
we went to one utama to watch a movie, but we came back (being as female as we are) with a movie,5 photo albums,2 baking pans,1 jelly mold and a gift wrapper (i collect those) but only the ones with nice paterns.
so, despite what it may seem, me and my mum ARE female.
talking about females, most of us mature faster than guys (yeah!!! you guys argue you are stronger than woman anatomicaly right? well, god created everything in balance, fe has he, black has white, good means theres evil, so if a guy is stronger than a female, the law of the universe proves that females are SMARTER than men, so thats why it is balanced).
to prove it, my cousin (or cow sin as i think of them when they start being prats) has a friend (a girl) who's boyfriend is a girl... did i mention my cousin is eight years-old?
yeah, i guess the guys couldn't catch up so the two girls decided to get CAUGHT UP in things they dont understand. my cousin has no idea about her friend's preferences (look, i dont mind gay people, in fact i love gay guys!!! and i go to an all girls school, which means i walk past lesbians without realizing it, and even if i do, i dont treat them any differently) i am just scared that my cousin will be one, i dont mind, but my grandma is 71 years-old. do the math.

anyway i gotta go my facebook is calling (well thats the story anyway, i'm dry out of things to say)

soffar sogood

2008-12-07T05:06:00.000-08:00

last Thursday, i went to see this movie entitled, 'los and faun'
an Afdlin Shauki film, and dead funny if you pay attention to detail.
Era Fazira cannot at but i guess she has to be all pretty there in order to carry out the role of a millionaire's wife. go figure.
anyway,on the way back home from one utama, i was listening to the radio and David Archuleta's new song came on the radio, "a little to not over you" i think, was the title (i know that last sentence is a bit off in grammar, but i'm too lazy to do anything about it)
the first thought that came to my head was, "wow! David really does mean what he sings, i mean, really, the first single he releases after cutely winning American Idol was crush, with the lyrics
"but i know this crush ain't going away iay iay iayeah" and true enough, it never did, all the way to his next single"
but it looks like sometimes you should be careful what you sing, like the plain white t's for example, their first release had the lyrics "hey there Delilah whats it like in New York City? I'm a thousand miles away but girl tonight you look so pretty, yes you do", very sweet words, but then in their second release they sang "hate is a strong word, but i really really really dont like you, now that its over, i dont even know what i likes about you"
well, i guess Delilah had to much fun in New York City.

but, i know that's not true, Delilah is still with the lead singer of said band... but it makes you wonder... there is always the begining and an end to everything.
there is always a first time for everything, including what you say.
take for example Donald Trump, i bet he really enjoyed the first time he said "you're FIRED"
but for him, the first time he said that, he enjoyed it so much, he never learned to stop saying it...
maybe THAT'S why he decided to have a show called The Apprentice, so he could go on saying those words without firing everyone who work for him.there's a thought.

so talking about thoughts, my mum and I went out somewhere and i left my purse under my pillow, cuz i wanted it away from the window in case anyone wanted to steal it (god knows who would! its not like i have money in there, in fact sometimes i wonder why the heck i have a wallet in the first place?) but since my mum always told me to practice being paranoid from a young age so i'll grow up to trust no one except my pet and a fluffy pillow.
anyway, when i went out my mum told me she took my wallet (god also knows how she knew it was under there... what else does she know about me? uh oh, time to change the locks to my bedroom)
and a verse of a song just popped into my head, here it is

I hid my heart under a pillow
away from the wide open window
where unwanted stealing hands roam
i just wont let them
take my heart as their own

i honestly do NOT know where that verse came from, yet another thing god knows and i dont
its begining to anoy me.

1 more stupid pix and more stories of boredom

2008-12-05T17:21:00.000-08:00

above,from left fiona,demonstrating the art of the full mouth,then debra trying to look scary but came out looking handsome,ash,the granny...i dont know what she's doing,then revathi,the only one who did NOT put on a funny face... then last but not least...well,least positive thinking is Nicole...doing her Jap Anime face.cute huh?

hey so i am finally back (to those of you who actually noticed my absence) and i to those who did NOT notice my absence now know that i WAS actually absent.
anyway, over the last week and a half, nothing new really came up...except maybe a few weird ideas and thoughts.... here are some

society makes a point of lying to each other... for example... have you ever noticed a "FRESH!!" sign on a box of dried raisins?
i mean come on! they are dried and preserved in a box for god knows how long!!!!
jeez, we're not THAT dumb....or are we.... i for one actually BOUGHT that box of 'FRESH' dried raisins....hhhmmmm, makes you wonder.

so i was watching the video for the song "dangerous" by cardinal official and Akon and noticed the bootylicious (yes,that word is actually a word...Beonce invented it and it went to the dictionary) model in the video....then i started to think about the stereotype model and realized that the universal idea of beauty (according to MTV anyway) is a big ass, big boobs,big hair and small everything else.... including brain.

to live your own life
and not to influence your life apon something
someone else has written
is to write your own story instead of taking another's
story and make it your own version
that is the difference between Harry Potter
and Barry Trotter

i wonder if those students crying about miss Woon (on our last day of school)
were crying because they were so happy to finaly se her non existent backside (like mine)
getting left behind in afternoon session while we accend up towards morning session...
or they were crying because they realized miss Woon ain't staying behind but actually straping a floatation device onto our boat and following us up to morning...i stll wonder...

those were my random thoughts over the last week, there were other mixed up situations like last saturday when i reserved a book at MPH and when my mum picked it up, my name had somehow become "Meera" with my mum's phone number as the contact number... or when my grandmum said she enjoyed drinking goodyear (the tyre) instead of goodday (they milk)...

oh! and today when she cium my hand instead of me her's... for those non-malays out there who are reading my blog, in Malay culture an younger person is supposed to kiss/salam an older person's hand as a sign of respect.... so obviously my grandmum kissing my hand made me feel old.... does not help that i tower over my friends..well most of them.... like when i bumbep into an old friend at one utama last saturday the first thing she said to me was "eh! Mia!!!" followed by "tinggi nye you ni" which is another way of saying, you are to tall and never gonna find a husband in Malaysia due to the fact that most of the guys here are midgets....compared to me at least... then again... why would i wanna marry now anyway? i have barelly started my life to have it taken away by marriage...duh!

okay, enough blabbing, i gotta go and download some suicidal songs that my aunt wrote down and that i actually like....despite having been a cheerleader and a bookworm. rock songs...well...rock!
k ciau.

i got tagged

2008-11-19T21:19:00.000-08:00

1.do you believe in eternal love?
no, i do not, because we do not live for till' the end of time, and if we did, what is the point of loving?

2.do you ever think to much?
me, all the time, but sometimes i can say things without thinking...just goes to show i think about more stuff than just what to say next.

3.what was the most craziest thing you have done?
i don't remember... i don't think the things i do are crazy... but my friends do so ask them.

4. what do you see yourself becoming?
i don't know why but i can't see that far yet, but i know what i wanna be, i wanna be someone who is crazy,funny,smart,accomplished, unpredictable,creative,fun and loving, i still have to work on the last part.

5. who are the 3 most hated people or type of people!
-people who pretend they are someone else
-people who are close-minded and bitchy
-those hurt me,make me feel stupid about myself and don't care that they have... but i love those people to, for making me stronger... you know, like that Christina Argulera song... "make me worth a little bit harder,makes me that much smarter, so thanks for making me a Fighter" or something like that

6.what was the most stupidest thing you have ever done?
when i was younger, i skipped a classes with my friend...when we got caught, we lied and said my friend's mother took us out of the school....when really we were only hiding in the empty classrooms on the third floor of the school, we got in more trouble then if we had told the truth...
that is one of the most stupidest things i've done....i cant remember the rest.

7.what is your biggest fear?
a friendship with a good friend turned sour and losing my i-pod

8.fav drink from starbucks.
any form of Frappucino...ice-blended

9.do you find it hard to let go?
of friendships and stuff like that.....yeah.

10.what do you value most in your life?
so far as my life has gone, i value friendships most,that and love...love for my i-pod,love for my fat cat (aazraa),love for my ash,love for my mum... you get the point.

11.5 things you cannot live with out.

-my music
-my books
-my oxygen
-my friends and future boyfriends
-my family
in no particular order

12.do you have self confidence?
yes and no,i have enough confidence to speak in front of a large crowd,to dance and to act. i have enough confidence to wear a bikini,to speak my mind,to do crazy things and to tell people things straight to their face... but i do not have confidence to speak to a MALAY guy for the first 30 minutes... i say 1 word,they reply half a word....i tried!

13.do you depend in makeup?
er...no, i hardly wear any, unless i have to dance or perform on stage, that to i let Aliya do my make-up...and Fuzzy

14.do you care what people think of you?
do i sound like someone who cares what the general public thinks about me?
no right?
but i do care of what those close to me think of me because those are the people that matter, those who don't know me can stuff themselves.

15. 10 things you want in your man
-funny
-smart
-not egoistic
-does not wear to much jewelry or hair gel
-not afraid to say what he means
-someone who is not afraid to admit that he is wrong
-someone who is open-minded
-a guy that cares what i think
-a sweet guy who is romantic but not soapy
-a guy who is taller than me and does not care what people think of him nor me

okay, take one question from the selection above on your blog and add your own, then tag your friends and notify them by leaving a comment on their blog sayin "you've been tagged" or something along those lines.

here are the people i've tagged
-ash
-fuzzy
-marineko
-sushi girl
-don sarcasma
-ma fong
-debra

my overdue last day news and 'DATUK' Shah Rukh Khan

2008-11-12T17:13:00.000-08:00

aazraa, oh no!!!!!! sushi went out of buisiness how will i ever LIVE!!!
the gang. aazraa aka fat cat is the one who looks like she is holding her breath cuz of the stink...that ash aka granny gave out...on ash's right is alia doing the middle finger to those who think Alam is gay... which means me and the gang... then there is me, pretending i have no idea who these weirdos are... behind me is fuzzy,looking sweet without realizing it...as usual, and at the top is nani...giving Sheikh Mussafar a good run for his money as she stares in to space...
nicole on left then sucjita...pronounced su.ji.ta and then fuzzy grimancing at the rock songs on the MP3.....well, her name IS fuzzy!
okay, so they decided to give SRK Datukship...
right, so it took Nicole David to win the squash #1 in the world title twice, to get Datukship and it took a few hair flips from SRK to get his???
the Economy must be really bad for the price of Datukship to be so low.
SRK is not even a Malaysian?!
oh well never mind.
so last tuesday was my last day in school... here are some pix......er.... they are up above. as you have noticed

OBAMA and tarot kits

2008-11-09T17:23:00.000-08:00

so OBAMA won!!! i'm still happy, even if it has been what? a 5-7 days?
but then at least i knew that he won when he did...
so last Friday i was talking to my friends Dian about stuff when she suddenly proclaimed that she was tired, putting her chin down on the cafeteria's old wooden table (i'm not sure how old, but the school is around 110 years old,so the tables must be PRETTY old, i think they maybe older than my grandparents) with her hands flat down... then immediately her hands and chin shot out in the air and she said proudly and penuh semangatly said that "OBAMA ROCKS!!!" as she had put it,her face a mask of OBAMA rockiness. i was happy to discuss it because i have been following the Election (not that i have a choice, my mum forces me to watch CNN every other night,so i was forced to endure Sarah Palin's comments about the "real America",apparently New York is the fake America that just so happens to be one of the richest cities ever...so real America is poor? Sarah Palin seems to think so) so i looked up, full of joy! saying "yeah! i'm so glad that he won the Election!!!" and Dian turned to me with a Blur look on her face,she looked at me confused and asked.... he won ah?!
i said..."yuh"
dian was like "oh"
and we both endded up laughing and when we stopped she looked at me and asked in a serious voice, "so Hillary Clinton lost lah?"
that made me laugh even harder,shaking the table (which i was worried would collapse...you know being so old and all).
i said yes she did...months ago... now McCain lost..
and of course...she did not know who McCain was.
not that i blame her of course.

okay, about the tarot kit, i have always wanted to learn about tarot card reading and so i always wanted to buy a set so i could learn... this was three years ago, i kept asking my mum for one, she said no cuz its stupid... coming from a lady who owns a copy of Linda Goodman's love signs (a book that predicts love based on horoscopes) is quite rich (dumb and unfair) so lately i have saved money for some reason...or no reason other than to just save money... so the week before i was in kinokuniya and saw a shelf filled with tarot card... so my mum wont buy me a set...but i have the money, so you can guess what i did. i would buy it behind her back (hey i was really curious) but the main problem was how to smuggle it out of the store after i bought it... i wanted to buy a kit and those things are big.. well big enough to be noticed by my mum in my bag.... so i needed a bigger bag... but how do i carry one of those without raising my mum's suspicion to what may be in it?
she gave me the answer (unknowingly) she propossed we go jogging at the park near KLCC... sure!!! perfect!, because i have this high sierra mini hiking bag... i mean mini, its half the size of the school bag but designed as such that it can fit the same load. i brought that along, but left it in the car as my mum said we would come back to fetch her purse cuz she's too lazy to carry it in her fanny pack. so we jogged (me waiting for my mum every 100m as she refuses to let me out of her sight) and we ate breakfast at Domes...she did not suspect anything. so then we ate and then went up to kinokuniya and waited for it to open (it opens at 10am) so we waited and my mum asked me to take pictures of her to put in her blog...she made me take them again due to the fact that i'm horrible at taking pictures... and the fact that i could not wait to buy my tarot set (who am i kidding? i'm horrible at taking pictures) so it finaly opened and sincxe before at Dome's i asked my mum to look for a book titled "free software fo dummies" since i cant remember where it was and she was the best person to look for it cuz she has photographic memory... she fell for it and looked for it..while i sneaked off to the tarot card section and picked one (the cheapest one that just so hapens to be a tarot kit for teens and it cost me RM 74.76 which is the cheapest) and hurried to the counter to pay... my mum could be anywhere (even if she is looking for the book in another section, she might decide just to ask the info counter which is near the counter i was paying for the kit at...but at the same time i cant pay at the other counter cuz thats where the book was... yes i knew where the book was...smart ay?) so i hurried and i probably looked a little hurried... like a James Bond with out the "shaken" martini, or the girl to womanize. so i paid and pretended nothing hapened... we bought books (as usual) and headed home (after having lunck with aunty sonia) so i asked the tarot card questions and it said that in the past and present my love life sucked, and in the future there would be roadblocks and i'll have to let go and if i do i'll be happy... the present card was the king of cups in reverse position... which means there is a selfish egoistical guy in my life... i dont know if in reality it is true... but from my friends foint of veiw... HELL the guy in my life is egoistical...from my friends point of veiw...did i mention they hate this man which is supposedly in my life? (those of you on the inside will know what i mean) and ash, when you comment dont write his name...

toned down twister

2008-11-06T17:17:00.001-08:00

so the plan was that today, our class was supposed to play twister for PJ, hmm, no such thing, i found out yesterday that pn lalita banned it...why? because the day b4 that nicole brought the Twister game to school and a couple or ex-prefects did the Twist. so the teachers apon seeing the kids having so much fun with twisting and streatching, decided to ban the game, i've already told off Nicole... yesterday (i did not come the day b4) but i think we can still bring it 4 PJ cuz its counted as a sports game (or an advanced streaching exercise), plus my PJ teacher said yes, and so we are still playing Twister for PJ, so it came around into a full circle...thank god its for the better.

so the reason i did not come the day that Twister got banned was cuz i was visiting a near death aunt...was because she is now dead. she died yesterday at 1pm...exactly when visiting hours start...
she had liver failure,she could not breath, the anzymes and minerals in her body were unbalanced and she died of auto-immune (her body attacked itself)
i attended her funeral last night, but i did not cry, frankly i did not know her that well, and when i visited her the night before her funeral night, i knew that she had slim chances to live, so i sorta prepared myself... and so did the family, but that did not stop them from crying...
unto lighter things, this morning my mum caught me wearing her white strapless simease (i think thats how you spell it, but in other words simease means singlet without the straps) great, we were already late and she was already in a shitty pie mood,and she noticed the simease...
its not my fault!!! mine were dirty and the ones that i washed over the weekend went missing!!!
and i was going to give her back (but not tell her cuz she'll say no and i'll end up wearing a shitty pie dirty simease) i wish i could wear my pinafore but i am malay and its friday...plus there is agama today so i have to wear my baju kurung (in our school come agama time we are all FORCED to wear tudung) so i cant exactly wear a tudung over a pinafore... i have done so before and i discovered that most ustazas enjoy making fun of students and enjoy humiliating them... i think the word is sadist..or is it masochist? it sure as shitty pie ain't optimist (is that how you spell it?)
anywho, the point is i hate my agama teacher this year... at least last year the teacher was nice and actually teach us something, this one just gives us notes to do...

jealousy

2008-11-04T17:21:00.000-08:00

jealousy... hhhmmmm, i bet you all know what it feels like, that twisting bitter feeling in your gut, the feeling that makes you feel like tearing the person you are jealous of into tiny little pieces to be tossed to the dogs.
i do, but i try not to let it influence my actions towards a person. i know that jealousy is bad but is there any possibilities that maybe it might come in useful?
think about it, we have this particular emotion, what do we do with it?
some use it as a tool for revenge,some become a tool of revenge but don't even realize it, some ignore it and some simply show it to the world without shame.....
like my friend in school, she got all A's and yet she still beats herself up (mentally) because someone else has higher marks than she has... she feels jealous of the person and uses it as a tool to actually do better, i have another friend who is jealous of other people's friendship and tries to steal friends away to attract attention, one might also be jealous of a friend of coupling with an ex-boyfriend and that jealousy parts their friendship and lay waste to their once golden friendship...then the best friend found out why her friends broke up with the her ex and the two friends be friends once again...
but why are some people more prone to feel jealousy than others?
is it genetic?
is it upbringing?
is it something to do with your horoscope?
or is it a mixture if 2 or more of these elements?
and should we use this jealousy to gain? or do we ignore it and be jealous free?
or both? depending on the situation?
i have no idea why i'm writing this down in the first place!
jeez now you know how nuts i really am!
k.bye...

Prefects day ...this year

2008-11-03T17:05:00.000-08:00

so, this years prefects day started off with a puff, but ended with a scream...literally.
first came the performance from the prefects.... in my opinion, only Mei Jen's piano piece was good amongst them, then came the solo freestyle dance competition, they needed 2 form 1ns and 2 form 2s for it, sonia n needia went up, but it was supposed to be me or Ash on account of the front of the 2N & 2A classes were cheering for me and Nani, who was on the stage suggested someone from black rose to come up, Ash, she did not one to, because she could not pick the song, if she has to do a solo, forget it! its either 2 of black rose, all of em' or none at all!
thats the same reason i did not go up, i do not want to be stuck dancing to some crap like...well some crap!
anyway, Black Rose wanted an open floor, so we went up the stage and requested for one, Nani was like, FINE!!! and opened the floor.
the Black Rose danced together to some of the songs... others were boaring...but when "so what" by pink played... we all started jumping and singing "nananananana we're all gonna get in a fight!!!" and we all jumped and sang and danced, when miss Woon came up to tell up that open floor time was over we protested, but no.... we could not.
so after jumping and all we went out of the hall to class dancing an after jig when a solemn voice came up on loud speaker saying "pelajar pelajar, sila masuk dewan dan beratur dengan segera" we ignored them and went on until the third call, to which i looked at Ash in a mid-jig and went "pffttt" and went back to the hall to line up in an orderly line and took orders from papan (we call ms Woon that cuz she is really, really,really thin...she's thinner than me) in a hall only a few minutes ago was filled with the sounds of "we're all gonna get in a fight"
true enough, we did, but ms Woon was fighting an always losing battle.
imagine, she told us to keep quiet when we were cheering for the prefects.... what does she expect one clap per student? go figure.

end of the year

2008-11-02T18:10:00.001-08:00

so the form 3s has had their PMR, signaling my turn to not have a life.
but so what?! the last two weeks at CBN are all planned out! this week is the netball tournament!!! today (monday) is the prefect's day, we have all the prefects performing, its supposed to be a surprise but since its today and all the senior prefects are in school, there's no hgarm, the reason to which i know this is because alia, who choreographed our black rose dance came teacher's day... did it again with the junior prefects dance... black rose was supposed to help so i was there... but i dont think i helped that much... ash helped with the smiles, nani helped with the teachings and i did...but very little, alia helped with the steps and me and ash did a free style dance in front of the prefects.... junior and the senior... the only reason they paid attention and started dancing was when ash fake smacked my butt...HEY!!! its an all girls school and i and ash are good friend. dont call me a les either!
anyway this wednesday i gotta go to the public speaking thing... they filmed us on thursday and friday speaking and acting... a good public speaker must master 3 things and do them congruently, they are visual,vocal and verbal... so we worked on the vocal/verbal for the first day and worked on the visual on the 2nd... visual is what you see, the facial expression, the hand gestures and such... so on the 2nd day, the teacher made us do some ridiculous actions to essentuate (is that how you spell it?) the story line... i had to act like tarzan... loincloth and all. and the other half of the froup had to act like the hungry giant from "jack and the bean stock" fee, fi,fo,fum and all... so you can imagine how ambarassing the tape would be... so we are all turning up on wednesday in the pink dorm to laugh at ourselves and each other, or at least i am... most wont even turn up due to ambarassement... the one thing i am immune to.... well, in most casses...
next week, we are gonna play twister on PJK, i'm the AJK so i get to organise it.... other than that, next week we are going to prank a teacher into opening the drawer in their teacher's desk in our class to reveal the (probably) 20-year-old dead rat... i'm not kidding!!! there is a real (real dead) rat in that desk... complete with cobwebs in its hollowed belly... hmmm... mayb we'll prank en ruzailan....or en. azra.....maybe the PJK teacher.... hehehe, the posibilities are endless!!!!

bullies

2008-10-30T17:42:00.000-07:00

I'm at the library of my mum's morning work place at BANK NEGARA.
it was a normal day albeit a very cheerful one. I went up to the M floor (i have yet to find out what M stands for and probably another week to spell it correctly) to put my stuff down at my mums office before coming down to the Ground floor to the cafe, in order to buy myself some breakfast.
after all this, i went up to M and took my stuff and headed towards floor 1 to the library, when the lift came, it was reasonably crowded so i frowned... then a voice from behind the lift said "don't worry you can fit in"
and when i was in another voice replied to the first one i cant really remember because i was so angry at what she said... but it was something like "but it must be hard,with that fatty in front there" and they laughed like the bitches they ARE. i looked to my right and there was the said lady, she looked at me so sad, almost crying and said "sorry" i looked at her as best as i could (she did not look me in the eye) i said "its okay" by this time the doors were already open and at my floor...
i regret to say that i got out... it was so fast and i really only got terribly angry a few steps out, thats when i looked back and saw the door half closed...
i was so pissed that i banged my card onto the sensor in front of the library door. i am angry at myself for not doing anything about it, bullies like that deserve to be stood up to due to the fact that when you do, they start sobbing because the only reason that they act like byatches is because they feel bad about themselves and put other people down because of it.
the lady was so sad, but she should not be... she is smart (she works in Bank Negara), she is kind and she should know that she cannot allow herself to be bullied just because of her weight!!!! and those WOMAN who humiliate her, i pity you, someone like you must not have much of a life if you are busy sticking your nose into other people's buisiness, i do not CARE that you work in Bank Negara! brains is no use if you are going to waste it away on remembering and nosing into other people's life and i dont CARE that i am just a school girl at least I live my OWN life without bothering others who have not done anything to bother you!
and to any of you Bank Negara workers who read this, please tell your friends in office to read this and them to tell their friends to read this...
there is a bully amongst you ruining anothers life with insecurities, i'm sure you all are busy, but please try...

i've house bunnied a lizard!!!!

2008-09-17T19:47:00.000-07:00

i have turns a normal green lizaed (cicak) pink!!!
do you wanna know how???
well, to tell you the truth what i did was not that great, this was how it hapened...

last monday when i was breaking fast, we made a jug full of air bandung and by the end of the night there was only a small portion left. so i was so tired that i just left the bandung there instead of stuffing it into our fridge. so the nest night, we bought sugar cane juice instead and needed a jug to pour it in. so i took the bandung jug down stairs and poured the contents into the sink and along with the pink bandung came a pink cicak!!!
its head was green and its body stained pink. i called my mum who laughed. i've got a few pic but they are in my mum's phone and my mum is to lazy to re install the nokia thing on our new laptop (our old one went pop) so i guess i'll put the pics in when we get the time to re-install it.
but what i found most ammusing was that looking at the pink lizard, i remembered my friend faz. she absolutely loves pink and is obsessed by it... at the same time she is also terribly afraid of lizards... she once pured an intire bottle of clorox onto her feet to kill a lizard perched there (poor lizard) so i really wondered what would be her reaction when she saw her most loved thing and her most feared thing combined.
yesterday i did and all that came up was
"ew" which was her only comment...hhhrrrmmmpppphhhh
after all the pics, all she can say is "ew"....typical
anyway capoiera's b'day just passed...it was yesterday. i wished despite formerly being absolutely furious at him for the carnival incident....er...i'm not gonna tell about that again, you can read my previous post from august if you wanna... but keep in mind the jerk is forgiven.
i told my mum and she was like "hah! there you go" she's smug cause she thought the whole quarel is dumb... i dont really think it was, well, not completely dumb at least.
kay,i gotta go b4 my mum comes. ciau!!!

pop! goes my hand

2008-09-14T18:58:00.000-07:00

ramathan!!! a busy time for food stalls,mothers,trafic policemen,ustazahs and doctors....
doctors?
if you are wondering why your brain is hurting after you have broken fast, its not lethargy!
its the stupid kids outside with the fire crackers going "BING BANG BOOM" like a bad gangster movie. and for what?
how should i know? ask them?
last night my family and i were conversing over skype with my uncle (who is in Edinburg), when a frightfully loud sound interupted our feeble attempts to decipher my cousin's scottish ramblings (or at least is sounded like ramblings from this side of the world). a fire cracker or whatever that freaking thing was startled all of us and we started to get angry...my uncle joined in to, we could not understand why the hell the kids did not play in the huge field/basketball court/park instead of the middle of the tar road. it did not help that the comunity is quite small conpared to the rest of Bukit Jelutong and normal sounds echo enough, they had to put in a big BANG.
it was late, and my granmum was alresdy anoyed at the fact that she cant hear my uncle and his kids clearly over the speaker... my grandmum, who normaly does not intervene in matters which makes her stand up to the public (her daughter's and grandaughter's love lifes are a different question), got up and told the buggers off came in and continued with the video conference... but of course, due to my granmum's inexperience of telling off people who are not related to her (she always nags me to clean the house... not thinking that i already have to clean four rooms,clear the trash, dust my piano, feed the cats and do the laundry, if i do anymore i might as well declare my self a slave...when i told her she said her kids always helped, to which i replied that she has 4 kids and my mum only has1) the BING BANG BOOMS started again...this time my aunt went out...i followed.
my aunt has this look she gives to people she is angry with that scares the poop outta them (i'm trying not to swear...much) and even makes the ones she is not angry with scared... so i really wanted to see the guys being told of...due to an old vendetta with the kids of my neighbourhood. and i was not dissapointed!!!
my aunt came back and all was silent.
next time i'll try and have her deal with the teenage guys smoking behind our house...my window is filthy due to the exess of smoke, the plants are dying and so are their brain cells.
i dont get why you smoke at 15-18. you wanna be cool?
FYI
you drool
you sleep around your school
you flunk
you're dumb
you're probably end up a drunk
your lips,their black
and you better step back
your breath,it stinks
did you ever stop to think?

sorry, to all you under age smokers...its the truth... and as for you 'grown up' smokers, at least its legal. don't mean the ryme ain't for you to.

books books books

2008-09-09T19:36:00.000-07:00

the most weird and greatest thing hapened to me yesterday as i was breaking fast at A&W with my mum, i got spotted by one of the readkl blog people...i'm not sure what they are called, i think they are scouts...
they take pictures and post blog entries abot what people are reading in KL! my mum and me got our pictures taken and posted on the blog!!
that was the weird part... the great part is that i get to know about books!!!! more books. and yes,i'm a geek. who the hell cares? i am so happy that i found this site, you can find it on my link list under "we also read". if you are a reader you can check it out. my mum got spotted reading the science of leonardo my fritjov chopra, the author of the tao of physics. so my mum is looking pretty smart now... did i mention i wanted to read that? i was the one who convinced her to buy it.
i got caught reading "the last of the wilds" by trudi canavan. i love the age of the five trilogy!!! i've read the 1st book and the last of the wilds is the second... and i've already bought the third book.

okay, aside from book matters, let me write about something else...
never mind.

ai ai ai

2008-09-07T19:36:00.000-07:00

lately its been fights,folios and hunger. fuzzy is still somewhat sore with ash, fuzzy cant really forgive people as easily and ash is confused about fuzzy's moodiness "its not like i'm no longer her friend". folios being history and geo, geo for the rest of my class,i'm only doing my history.
hunger from fasting, a week has already passed and there are 3 more weeks till raya and my RM200 as well as more duit raya... i hope.
i enjoy fasting for 1 reason, i dont have to think of what to eat in the morning and afternoon, just for buka puasa. but i also hate fasting because of the little talks they give in the dewan stating that we should wear tudungs on this month of ramathan... that is not fun. why should i wear it only in this month just to get pahala? i do things because i believe it is right, not because i want something from it.
anyway, never mind that,i have finished braking dawn and i loved it, i dont really get exited anymore on the honeymoon stuff,i'm used to it in a sense that i've read it to many times in the many books i've read... plus, once or twice is okay, but edward and bella just love each other to much, it gets boaring after a while, i finaly found my reading groove again at the near end of the book where the action picked up,the giving birth part was scary... giving birth itself is already scary, but giving birth to a half vampire/half human is just pure terror.but beautiful at the same time. i guess us females always have to be uber complicated. even our sense of humour.
i read in readers digest that females analize their jokes before they laugh while men just laugh cuz they think the joke is funny. they stuffed the subjects into an MRI machine and showed a cartoon on an overhead screen, the females MRI shows that the females analize the jokes and if they think it is funny, the reaction trigers more strongly to it than a man's... whereas the man is more like, "hey look cartoons! must be funny! funny is good" as stated by the readers digest.its complicated thinking about how complicating we are. anyway, less babble. i gotta go. see you.ciaou!

you know that dream..?

2008-09-04T19:00:00.000-07:00

you know that dream where there's a flee market located behind your school with shamans and magical beings selling their services? or the one where you are in a huge make-up store looking for something yet you can't find it? or the one where your neighbour in an apartment turns out to be your long time foe who wears a mash of an inocent house wife?
i hope you dont, because its freaky. which means naturaly i've had that dream. i've heard that dreams analisis can actualy show where you stand and help you get through your problems if you understand your dream... if that s true and my dream is really skrewd up does that mean i'm skrewd up to?
the flee market may symbolize someone who is dear of magical to me helping me go through something... or it may mean i've read one to many books, the make-up thing might mean that i found it so hard to go to and elianto outlet to buy eyeliner for the miss everybody thing inn school (i'm representing my class) the theme is guardian angel so our class decided to do james and jane bond... only reversed,as in jane saves james and jane is taller then james. so i've got to have that cream/gold eyeliner from elianto as well as the black one... the problem is that my mum wont let me buy make-up and i do want some eyeliner...and i find it hard to buy the eyeliner without my mum finding out since i spend most of my waking hours around her when i'm not in school.
then there is the neighbour wearing a mask thing, that may mean someone i know might not be as nice as i think... since in my dream he took the mask of (in my dream the baddie is a guy wearing the house wife mask) i'm not sure if that means i'm gonna find out or if i know someone like that... bth could be possible.

dreams are actually what we think about when we are awake playing out when we are asleep. which means you are already thinking about this stuff subsconciously. that is probably why i believe in dream analysis, you are already thinking these things so by analyzing your dreams you actually get to know what you are thinking that you did not know you were thinking... if that makes sense.
anyway i've gotta go and update my facebook..if i have time.

computer with a side of fries

2008-08-27T18:58:00.000-07:00

guess what?? during me and my mum's movie mania,our computer got fried. it was raining bolts and lightning, seeing as mu mum is a facebook junkie,she left the computer with the broadband line in, ready for a speedy call to facebook (the poor fellow must be exausted!)
so lightning struck and our house blacked out, not without a loud popping sound signaling the end of my computer's life. what is so sad is that i forgot to back-up the new pics in my computer. there were pic of me and my friends at school,me and my old friends at the carnival,my 14th b'day photos and my uncle jack's wedding photos. that is the worse lot. but there is still hope of restoring the data if the fry was not serious, but we'll only find out when we take it for repair (god knows how long THAT will take), so i now have no alternative but to ask a friend to print out some pics for me (in colour). i'm sure you all are wondering howw the hell i'm writing this, well, the clinic my mum works at suplies doctors to the bank negara clinic,since i'm form 2 and in the afternoon session,i have to follow my mum to bank negara everyday and i get excess to the library and to its computers and printers...i'm not supposed to since my mum does not really work here... in a sense that my mum does not actually get paid by the same people the employees at bank negara do. so technicaly i have no right, but the staff dont complain since i'm here everyday and practicaly no one really uses these computers cuz they have their own laptops. which really pisses me off (the part about them having lap tops and that mine is friend due to my mum's carelessness and mine for not saving the pics) one more thing is cuz the printer here does not have coloured ink and i need coloured pics for my history folder/project its 30% of my end of the the year exam marks. and i need to get an 'A' cuz i had a deal with my mum (if i get 'A's for math,science,english and sejarah,she'll buy me a new set of earphones for my i-pod)
and the fact that i wanna prove that i am interested in our country's history.
it is now fasting month and there wont be any PJK (or PE) for the muslims (which is fair) but the non-muslim'll have to skip PJK to and then we'll all have to take notes. i just wish it is not so unfair for those non-malays who dont fast and enjoy PJK. but then again it wont be fair to the malays who fast and love PJK to sit inside taking notes while the rest of the class have fun outside, so i guess its better that way, yet it still sucks. the extra-curricular activities have also been halted so that the koko marks (curricular marks) wont be even. living in a multi racial community rocks, but it can suck at times to... for example,now during the fasting month.
gotta go!
myrra shaima

paper chain explosion!

2008-08-27T17:30:00.000-07:00

yesterday, all of the members of my class did not sit the whole day.
why?
because there is a competition for best decorated class this Merdeka!
we were so busy that we did not notice how our class actually looked! we were runnibg around, climbing on chairs,tables,tables on top of tables to get the banner,cards and flags in place.
there were glue guns, there were colages and ballons that we took out later. and when we were done, we had a colage of our twin towers with 3D bridge railings (made with straw wrapped in purple paper) and out linned with string with people of all races in the bridge, a banner at the back of the class,5 cards hanging from the ceiling,our malaysian flag hanging from the side of our class (on both sides exactly the same level and i should know) our windows are old fasioned and wide paned with pink cutains and we had paper chains draping from the railings and paper lanterns hanging from the doors, we made life sized people drawings on colourful paper (we connected many coloured paper together) we made three of those in three different races, indian,malay and chinese (these are the tree main races that make up our country) we had signs made that says "merdeka!" each letter on a different coloured paper which we atteched together and taped to the windows so it can be seen from outside and inside, the same thing was done to the whiteboard only at the sides.
basicly our class looked fantastic... but so do the other classes. so for the competition i think it will be very hard to win and we would be lucky if we do, but it was fun and i never saw my class THIS co-operative.
then this friday we have this thing where we dress up in our national traditional wear, baju kurung,sari,punjabi suit,cheong sam and many more.
the funny thing is, we are gonna play games in these outfits, traditional games. we gotta jump,run and dance in traditional attire... i just hope no one gets hurt.

why do i have to have a title?

2008-08-26T05:35:00.000-07:00

hey, to my readers out there... i think there are five. but only three actually leave comments, the other two just tell me in person. HEY! i loved that new article on your blog!!!!
i'll look at her and ask. "then why the hell didn't you leave a comment?"
and they'll say things like "my computer went nuts and i could not leave a comment" or "malas lah!" or "i dunno" or "why should i?" or "tah"
never mind about the lack of readers, i'm gonna concentrate on the ones i have.
hey!!! you might have noticed that i've just changed my blog layout. you like?
i got it off pimp my profile under...
i dont remember.the small pics and extras have also dissappeared as is what apparently happens when you change layouts...i think that's whack.
so, today Datuk Sheikh Mussazafa came to our school. for those who know him you might squeal and jump up and down... if you dont know him, just google his picture under sheikh mussafa and you will see why the girls scream for him....
i dont. he came to our school to give a speech about things in space...
he asked us if we had any questions and they did (keep in minds i said THEY) but only some were actually about space. one girl asked him when he was getting married.
another asked how he pooped (well at least that has something to do with space)
regardless to say, the girls were more interested in his ass than what he talked about. and me, i was just there for the show. it was kind of funny seeing the girl who asked him when he was getting married shiver and stutter in public... she was hyperventilating...
i was amused by how the girls were acting around him... suddenly it was all eye lashes and flirtatious smiles. not all, but about 99%
i have to admit he is cute, but still, dont those girls know he is probably used to all that attention? why waste their time?
anyway, i gotta go, my mum's calling for dinner, the laptop (if facebooking were a sport, my mum'll have 6pax) and my laptop's bat is really low... gotta go

city life in KL

2008-08-24T17:43:00.000-07:00

hare in KL we love to sing patriotic songs, we love to give way and open the doors for others, we love to say please and thank you, and i will like to inform you that in reality... its nothing close to this Merdeka day ad. on TV.
In reality we are the third rudest city in the world, according to the reader's digest poll in 2006 (i think it was 2 years ago)
and New York scored 1st most polite city in the world.
but despite the fact that NYC is courteous and we are not, we do share one dilema.... public transportations...both of ours only have our train stations (subway/LRT for NYC and KL) within our city and they are both very dirty. but the thing that I'm not sure we both do the same is what we do when waiting for our stop on the train, especially if its a long stop.
,some people might read,pick their noses,kiss their spouses and listen to their i-pods and mp3s...
others scout around for an ass to tap or a pocket to pick....
and the rest... I don't know. Maybe they talk their friends and text and talk and stare..... but all these past times are only about 20% of what people do in public transportation. 80% of people in KL actually spend their time in the LRT trying not to get squashed to death.
yup! that is right!

we do not breath. well, not fresh air at least.

one of the reasons why this is so (not including the fact that our transportation system,unlike NYC's, sucks and also the fact that the oil prices hike up.who says the kids dont feel the push?) due to the fact in the caption, most people use the LRT, and in this city when they see a full train, they will still squash their fat arses in while pushing and swearing under their breath. most of the culprits are old ladies.
i really don't understand that(the ass in a sardine can thing),i personally do not shove my ass where it does not fit (including a pair jeans a size to small) because just like the jeans, if i shove my ass into a packed LRT, you are shoving your ass into someone else's face, you wont be able to move nor breath and as a bonus! other people wont be able to breath either. that is why i do not understand it when someone chooses to torture his/herself(and others). Don't they LIKE to breath?
I do. to be fair,if you are late it is okay (even if in Malaysia you normally turn up at a meeting 30 minutes late to actually be on time) what about the old ladies at the pasar who shove their butts in the train? i doubt they have anywhere important to go (especially those who shoves their friend's asses in with them to talk loudly in the train)
when you live in KL or work there and do not take the public transports you will find yourself swearing on the road when you drive home (now that the traffic had lessened due to oil prices) it is not so bad... but you cant escape it. when i ride with my mum in the car my past time is to read and try to ignore my mum's rigorous swearing in 2 languages as well as the swearwords i thought her in German. if I'm not doing that I'll be listening to my i-pod while catching site of a maxis (our local cellular communications company... one of the four) service van speeding and driving like a maniac and thinking "now THATS speed coverage" or I'm looking at the scenery of industrial and business buildings and then have that cut of by a driver on the left lane picking his nose.

that's life huh?

lately

2008-08-19T05:43:00.000-07:00

i'm on school break and discoved the art of shaping wire... really!!!
i can make basic stuff with wire.
so far i can only make letters and a few notes, but i'm getting better.
i've been reading the age of white trilogy by trudi canavan... well the first book but its great. i still have yet to buy braking dawn.
havent heard from him but i guess that is to be expected... truly, i'm sorta glad.... in other ways i might not be. never mind.
i goota go, i'm going to my grandparents house where there is no intenet... but i do have a new book and history project i've gotta do on the school's history which is facinating!
who knew my school was this interesting?
anyway, ciau.

stupid friends (continued)

2008-08-06T17:49:00.000-07:00

well, after all the drama and anger, i finaly moved to the 2nd phrase which was sadness. i still didnt cry but i was sad... which was weird since there is no logical reason that i should be, yet i was. many thoughts went through my head, leaving me more helpless then the last, does it he even care, does he?

then

if he doesnt....

if he does then why did he act the way he did?

i never ment through the "what if he doesnt?"

i realize that 20 years from now i will look back and laugh... or rather me, i'll be ambarassed by my part in it.

my mum to has lost a friend, or one she thought was one so she knew what i was going through, which was a relief, she told me what oscar wilde said, he said "friendship is more tragic then love, simply because it lasts longer" or something like that.

my 2 bestfriends are having a fight to, about not being best friends anymore. sound familiar?

only in their case its not to be bestfriends, in mine, its never to be friends anymore.

ash reckons i liked him more then a friend, i said OF COURSE. but i chose not to act that way, partly because i know he does not like me more than that at the time (i dought he likes me at all now, i think he might hate me) yet the thought was never acted on.... after the 2nd break-up.

looking back i know i'm too young and still am... even if today is my birthday.

i'm fourteen today! not that he remembered nor ever did but now i know its just because he is just a guy,

i no longer feel useless nor depressed, in places of those emotions lies exceptance (that does NOT mean i forgive him for that way he abandoned me that day and how indiferent he reacted to when i told him we were no longer bestfriends...now i wonder if i was even his best friend. he was mine. if not best, definately good friend. maybe he still is, that is probably why i still can forgive him... i know it sounds cheesy but it really is what i think... and unlike a burger, i cant control all the cheese that comes into my brain (that sounded weird)

i want to say tanx to ash for picking up all my distressed phone call.... and aqil did remember my b'day... aqil if you are reading this, you are not forgiven... until you figure out what exactly you have to do and how.
then i might forgive you.
if you think i'm going to give in as easily as before, then you are wrong.

stupid friends

2008-08-01T22:49:00.000-07:00

once upon a time there were 2 kids on a bus, 1 was a girl, the other a boy. they were talking about harry potter whe they first became friends, that friendship lasted till the girl was 1 week shy of 14 and the boy was 1 month shy of 15.
i said until because as of 10-20 mins ago, that friendship ended. i'm gonna tell you why.
in my last 2 posts i wrote about a carnival and how i felt leading up to it.
the truth is that i was terrified. i did not know if every thing would work out or if it would blow.
it blew. i ended my friendship with someone that i thought was my friend. the ironic thing is that he thinks that it started only today... he's wrong. it started at the start of our friendship.
as all beginnings start, but the start of the friendship that went bad was the moment he became my boyfriend... i asked him and he said yes, now i wonder if i never asked if we would even have become a couple. yet sadly after we did i discovered that i had to change schools, and we only had a relationship (if you would call it that) through the phone. looking back, i feel stupid at my naivety. how could it work out?
and the second is that i was to young. what was i thinking?
i broke up with him
then a year later i asked to couple again.... now i felt stupid (was i that desprate?)
then he broke with me... it hit me then. that he never felt THAT way about me... and i was too young only 13 then...how stupid.
so i thought if not in that way maybe we could be just friends.
i was also pissed by the way he did it... but never mind about that.
i always found it hard to talk to him...in the last few years
so today at the carnival, i felt totally left out. i wondered if i should have gone in the first place.
aqil's (capoeira's) b'day is next month, but i thought since today is the only day i could see him in person, i could give him the gift.
so this morning when i arrived i called aqil like he told me to. then he met me at the entrance. he took me to the 2nd floor to meet his friends, i met 2. i remembered sofia... sofia is nice.
so i told him i wanted to go down to get coupons.
i did and came back up.. then went back down cuz my ex art teacher is now teaching in the school i'm supposed to go to ... in a way an ex- school by way of supposed-to-go.
after that i looked up and he was gone. so i had to look for someone else to hang out with that i could stand. suraya had a shift at her school stall and most of the guys are egnoring me. eg. armand,adam naim (who used to be my best friend, but i guess he doesnt want to talk to me)
so i went with atiqah for a while, then on our way up to the haunted house i saw a kid who looked just like aqil's lil bro, so i gave the present to him and askerd him to give it to his bro cuz i kinnda knew i wont see much of him (despite him telling me he was going to intro me to some of his friends)
so i did bump into him some... hour later(or that was how it felt like)
i told him to look for his bro... he said his bro was at home, he showed me a pic and called aqid (his lil bro) true enpugh he was at home.... shit!!!! that was bad!
so i went in earch of the present and on the way i lost atiqah...
great so at this point i lost my former best friend's b'day present, my hang out friend and my former best friend.
so i had to search for someone else to hang out with.
endded up with suraya for a while, then her family came i scooted (no point in intruding their family together time)
by 1 i was alone, angry and depressed, so i called ash (ashileen, its a she) and told her everything, the only thing i could think of is my then friend abandoned me after saying that he wont!!! i do not expect aqil to spend 24/7 with me... that is just selfish... but to abandon me like that is just.... crude!!!! and SELFISH and THOUGHTLESS and... and IRISPONSABLE and BASTARDISH!!! i was crying into the phone with ash!!! you have no idea how alone i felt!!!!
how abandoned...how WORTHLESS, and this is not the first time!!!
even before i thought how hard it was to communicate with aqil... even after years of knowing each other!!! i realized that neighther of us know each other or have anything in common.
i have been contemplating endding the friendship a week before the carnival, but my friends talked me out of it... told me to give it another chance... i am going to yell at them when i get back to school!!!!!
and to make it worse, while i was going over to the dunk tank to dump aqil as a friend i met with the boy whom i gave the present to, i told him to take me to it and he did, i appologized and called aqil for his whereabouts... at the dunk tank i gave him the present and told him i needed to talk to him, i took a private spot and told him

m: this is the last present i'm going to give you and the last time you'll hear from me...we are no longer friends
a:ok (shruging his shoulders looking indiferent)
A:may i know why (still looking indiferent)
M:because you left me going like a school, like an idiot.....blah blah blah (i dont remember this part)
A:yeah kinnda
M:so i'm not your friend anymore
A: ok( and he went off)

i walked away thinking of wat just hapened. i turned back and called him

M: you're a prick
A: yeah okay (indiferently)

right.....i went home in a storm of anger thinking how stupid i was to this heartless asshole, while calling ash and saying the "F" word profusely as well as other exploitives.
people were starring. i couldn't give a damn.
i did cry, but they were tears of anger... i seldom cry because i'm sad. its normaly cuz i'm either really anoyed or really angry.
after the carnival i got a txt..
it was the bastard saying sorry and that he understood if i did not want to communicate further.
i asked him what exactly did he understand
he said that i was angy he abandoned me when i was running around school looking looking for his present...
i told him he did not understand anything
he said enlighten me
i said GO TO HELL
i told him that sorry meant shit in black and white.

while i was looking for the present!!!
HE DID NOT EVEN REALIZE HE ABANDONED ME WAY WAY WAY BEFORE THAT!!!!!
what i'm realy terrificly angry at is the way he responded to me when i endded the friendship.... like i meant nothing to him... not even a cent... not even less than that.
that is one thing that i will never TRUELY forgive in a long long LONG time!!!!
let me tell you what i felt... i felt worthless,stupid,betrayed,abandoned,regretful that i wasted 6 years on him and most of all, i felt ANGRY.
SO AQIL, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU A BASTARD,
I SHOULD HAVE CALLED YOU A F****ING @$$HOLE!

the carnival (continued)

2008-07-24T17:34:00.000-07:00

imagine not seeing your best friends or your friends for 2 years and 7 month and then get invited to a carnival where everyone is there... i dont know about you but i'm scared!!!
ever since i moved schools i have not seen capoeira in person... nor yaya,adam,wan,fakerie or any of them... well suraya dropped by once in a while, but other than that.nada.
now capoeira invited me to the carnival where they are all there, i'm scared cuz i'm afraid that they'll be a stranger to me,even capoiera!
i'm afraid i'll be there and watch those who were previously close to be become distant, i bet if i re-read this i'll bang my head on the door cuz of my stupidity, so note to me in the future when i read this, dont bang my/your head on a door or on anything, it's stupid.
i wonder if what i fear does happen if i'll just walk away realizing that they aren't real friends or if i'll cry like a dud. i think i'll do both, realize they are not my true friends and maybe cry or despair at the fact i have lost at least a part of me that has been there since the begining (am i being to over dramatic?). i guess maybe only time will tell. and i guess if i lose my old friends i'll at least have 5 true friends to get me by. aazraa,ashileen,nicole,dhivya,fuzzy,sucjita,hanani and alia (hey, i said at LEAST 5).
ash (ashileen,granny) says that she wants to be friends up until the point she can introduce us to her grandchildren as auntie or aunt.
on to other news, my left earplug for my i-pod is busted, the whole main casing peeled of (i guess i gotta use my mad money to buy new ones...and when i do, i guess i'll have to buy extra ear cover for the buds and stop bringing the it where ever i go (except to school).
talking about school, today we have an experiment that requires us to bring chemical stuff from home (shampoo,baby oil,soap,detergent,lip gloss, etc...) to test its pH value.
cool, now i'll be able to know how toxic or acidic my lipgloss is! hhmmm, i should have someone to bring coke.
more about school. yesterday we had this fire drill (latihan kebakaran) at school and the fire fighters came and showed us the way to extinguish fires and which hoses in the truck is to be used on what type of fires (house or car) and told us we were faster this year (of getting the hell out of the supposed-to-be-burning school) then last year, the record for last year was 12min something seconds, this year we made it 5min something seconds...
and then this fire fighter showed us how the fire hose works.... then asked us to hold it... i did (along with 10 other people) and i pulled the hose upward so we had a mini shower.
that was fun, but one thing that did not turn out right were the fire fighters (who the hell says that fire fighters were cute?)
anyway i gotta go.
ciau

the carnival!!!

2008-07-23T17:32:00.000-07:00

the BJ high school carnival is next week and i'm going!!!
i'm so exited to meet my old friends after 2 and a 1/2 years of not seeing each other. especialy by best friend, i have not seen him for three years... makes me wonder if we are best friends...
i just found out his fav colour last night (yeah i'm a hopeless bestfriend) i'm not sure he knows my fav colour.
anyway, tomorow is the "merentas bukit nenas" marathon thingie and i have to wear a xavier shirt (green sports house) when i'm in adele (yellow) but it's all for safety.
i've got lots of work to catch up on and an oral test for english...about water pollution (i know, i would have picked a more interesting topic but my partner had to cuz i have to write the script and the whole thing was supposed to be a team effort) so i let her pick the topic, then later all she has to do is memorize what i write.
its supposed to be a conversation but the thing is, how the hell do you manufacture a conversation...a CASUAL conversation about water pollution and using perfect english?
so not natural, i guess i have to ask teacher if i can use a bit of slang words to liven it up a bit.
ok gotta go and work on casual conversation!

oopppssss...

2008-07-21T19:20:00.000-07:00

so get this, i'm in my classroom talking about the vampire diaries with manisha and suddenly she asks you about the ICAS english test....
if i was taking part i said no....
i took part in the new south wales english test...
apparently they are the same thing...
shit, and guess what the exam is taking place today! at 1.30 in lab 6 and 5.....
holy crap! i forgot about that!!!
i totaly forgot about the test...AND the study part!!!! i hope i dont fail!
the reason i am not studying right now is because there is no material to study... that is not in my school library. since this is an extra test and not the main one... holy holy holy mother of crappiola!
not just that i woke up this morning with my usualy sinus...but mr sinus decided to stay longer. and then i burped... in public!
i was in bank negara's library (still am actually) in one of the booths and burped... there was a lady (buisiness lady) in the booth nest to mine i'm pretty sure she heard. i have a sneaking suspicion she was already disgusted by the fact i was sneazing my nose off. so i pretended to dash for the toilet, like i was gonna puke to excuse my burp... now i think about it,is kinnda dumb.
oh well, that's life. oh yeah i was passionately reading the end of the vampire diaries book 1 and put it down when i finnished (it took all my self control not to continue with the 2nd book) i put the book down and rummaged my bag for my science homework... i got the book out and checked the index to see what i needed to do and then, i reached out for my pencil box to discover that i left it in the car...great.
oh well, i ain't gonna go all the way down for that!!! the homework ain't even overdue.
anyway i gotta jet.
buh bye.

growing up

2008-07-20T19:04:00.000-07:00

lately, i have not been on blogspot that often due to lack of time,readers and inspiration.
i have been preparing for cheer comp and i had exams and math tuition and piano classes and book check and that marathon next week(wait... its THIS week!) and a carnival the week after with a replacement class of 2 hours math tuition with mr patrick (who still struggles to understand my jokes and am suprised the first time around that i was malay... and a reader and a cheerleader, which for some out-of-this-world reason rymes) and then my piano exam on the 18th nxt month not to mention my birthday on the 7th.

as you can see, i am busy. but that is not an excuse...well it is but it sounds noble when i say it isn't. this all gets me wondering how time went by. i can legally ride a motorbike next year!
and it seems sureal that 2 years before all i wanted to be was a teenager, now i am and i have to live it on the fast lane! the last year and 7 months and 21 days went by in a blink (a millisecond)
so here i am feeling hurried. of course i love always being busy (i get sick when i dont do something for to long) yet i cant help but wonder how weird and strange it will be in 3 years time when my uncle comes home from england and i would have had my 1st boyfriend(as faer as my family knows) as well as a part time job while waiting for my SPM results. my cuzins prob wont remember who the heck i am!

yikes! PMR is next year. i guess it is kinnda facinating and misterious the way i dont know what the future holds for me, nor do i remember most of the past. yet i am also detached from the present for if i am. i would be god (which i clearly am not... for those of you who are confused and hapen to be muslim terrorist bombers, dont blow up my school, i was only stating that if you were to be conected to all of the present then you arn't human...and its impossible because there are to many things going on in the present for our little human minds can grasp)
maybe thats why we need to be selfish and only care what is hapening in our life...

on that thought,
ciau

aches and pains

2008-06-23T19:02:00.000-07:00

we have finaly started practicing everyday since cheer comp is up next month and my whole body aches! we have to practice from 11.00am - 12.30am and then from 1.30pm-3.30pm in total that makes... 3 1/2 hours per day, i'm not realy complaining... if you think this is complaining then i recomend you not to be around when i'm having PMS or BDS (bitchy day syndrome)
my mum has now rebaned me from going on the LRT (light rail transport) cuz i forgot (yet again) to call her when i reached school, she freaked and by the time i called her i found out she was on her way to my school. so then when she picked me up at central plaza yesterday i pissed her even more cuz i lost my touch n go card which had 45 bucks in it... she went on and on nagging all the way home (30 minutes out of 45) then i pulled out the card from in between the seats and she told me to switch it with the one in the smart tag.
teehee it was lucky it was there she treaten to pull me out of cheer cuz of the card. (cuz it takes a lot of my brain space). seriously my mum is so against cheer but she still lets me join the team cuz she wants me to be able to make my own choices...she still makes it hard for me...like trying to pull me out the 1st chances she gets.
sorry i havnt wrote here for a while... i've been busy.
oh yeah, i gotta tell you something funny. i a war with this guy, he always calls me pervert... i call him an asshole. he calls me a pervert everytime i pass his bus and one day ash (my bestfriend and she is a girl) dared me to go to asshole and say "are you free tonight, cuz i'm feeling hot and sweaty" which is slutty to say the least. so i did it (not cuz i'm like that but cuz she dared me) well, i tried to. when asshole walked pass i called him but he egnored me... now that was ambarasing. then his friends shated calling him grampa or "atuk" and then i called him chicken. so the day after that i took a diff station. there are two stations near my school one is 'DW" and the other is "MJ" these aren't the real names of the stations. i normaly go to DW but that day i went to MJ cuz ash wanted to splash su with water for some reason, i think payback for splashing her with water...
so anyway i was almost at the station when i heard a bus and the word pervert being yelled out, it was asshole! i cant believe it!!! its like he is my own personal ghost! i really cant believe the fact that he actually spotted me in the midst of all the other girls! oh well, one of his friends made a rude gesture and i yelled "oh! thats VERY mature" and walked off.
i really dont know why he teases me so. i mean, my friends say he likes me and i'll say bollocks!
if he thinks this is primary school then he can just piss off!
but in the ,mean time, i still have to go through with the dare...bollocks!
oh yeah and i changed the pics on 'about me and around me' hope you dont find it offensive like the last batch was!
ciau!

my really bad last post

2008-06-15T17:54:00.000-07:00

yikes! what was i thinking?!!!
my last post totally blows!! and not in a good way..
hmmm... maybe you guys should re read my post entitled "the waiting room"
or read it if you haven't already. but plz comment on this post..
thanks
ciau

complements to the chef!

2008-06-08T17:36:00.000-07:00

i really dont know why the title of this post is as so... it was just at the top of my head.
so anyway i'm thinking of writing for the school magazine... problem is i dont know the editor.
last year cheng sim knew the editor pretty well but i didnt know that form 1s can go and try to get their article in the paper...plus i know actually realize that i was actualy intimidated by them... being the high fliers of our well reputated school (which by the way, from the standing point of a student is only great by reputation)
yes the standarts of convent bukit nenas (pineapple hill convent...yes i am aware that it sounds funny, kind of like spongebob squarepants) are falling rapidly and the reputations are the only thing keeping us up...that and our choral speaking and debate team.
there are miscreants who are tottaly hopeless academicly but very good at dating...mostly in the evening session...
ok for those of you not from malaysia (that is to say you aren't born in malaysia) that are not familiar with our weird acadamic system let me explain,
we first go to kindergarten at age 4...or was it five?
so then we go to real school at age 7, its called standart 1.
then we proceed to standart 2 and so on until standart 6, where we have our UPSR (ujian pelajaran sekolah rendah) or (the test that tests all that what you learn from standart 1-6)
now, standart 1-6 is at a seperate school from those who have taken their UPSR (13-17 or18)
its called "sekolah rendah" (sekolah means school and rendah means low...but when you out it together it does not mean low school but something like school for the young...a class down from the older students)
so when you get your UPSR results, which consists of 5 subjects (science-sain-,math-matamatik-,malaysia language writing-Bahasa Malaysia penulisan-,malaysia language comprehention-Bahasa Malaysia pemahaman and english-inggeris-)
you go to high school or form 1 (13 YO) then form 2, form 3 (where we taka the exam PMR, where we get tested on what we learned in form1-3 and if you get good results lke all 'A's then you get to choose a stream...science stream or art stream which will be tho course of your career)
in form 4 you learn the subjects in your choosen stream for science its, math, add math, biology,physics,chemistry and so on for art stream its the rest...art, science litrature. if you are in any stream... like science stream for example, you get to learn a subject from art stream if you want to, this subject will be an extra subject in your SPM which you take in form 5.
in form 5 you take your SPM which is like the brit's GASTCs(i think thats what they call them) and the american's SATs. if you do not pass with good results that will qualify you for uni, you take the STPM in form 6...or if you wanna stay to further your studies even if you passed your SPM you can...but most dont cuz its hard to get into university if you stay.

so back to the point, in my school form 1&2 are in evening session (12.45 pm-6.45pm) the students are not as great as the seniors...and this year i'm in form2 so i have juniors... and man, this year's juniors are some lot...the majority are gedik (or overly girly or so most people say... i think that gedik means bitchy...so i dont call the girly girls gedik just manja...but they dont know that),malas (lazy) or totaly hopeless...of course they aren't all like that...just most.there are the choral speaker who are now reprisenting our school in state, the hockey girls and the netball girl (the senior team in netball are the real stars).

sorry about the spelling mistakes and so on, i'm using a library keyboard which i'm not used to using... cuz i normaly bring my lap top to the library (note this is not my school library).
so anyway i'm coplaining about my school cuz my two week holiday is over and i'm going to go to school at 11 (my dance group practice...black rose, we are doing a show on teacher's day...the celebration is this friday i think) and i hate to go backto school...back to grumpy teachers and bloody girls pretending to be it...now that enoys me!
i'm now reading the cronicles of narnia prince caspian...and proceeding slowly...man i miss elex rider and maximum...i heard the 4th book came out but i haven't bought it yet...
and then there's that new anthony horowitz book that is #4 in the power of 5 series...
and then there is twilight and the works...i'm not sure what the saga is called but i heard it is a fantastic book!
i cant wait to read it!
okay i think i better stop before i rant on more on this already very lengthly blog post...ciau

the perfect man

2008-06-08T06:42:00.000-07:00

i have this favorite movie called the perfect man starring hilary duff and heather locklear and it tells a story about a girl who's mum is so desperate for a man that she would hook up with anybody, and when he proves to be a jerk and dumps her,she will move taking along her two kids and their luggage. the eldest daughter,holly (duff) at 16 has this blog... and that is where i got inspired to start a blog.
i started a blog with the tittle reality bites and another with the title deep thoughts... i deleted both and started this one... my mum has a blog to and i pointedly stay away from it, and she stays away from mine so that we can have a private life....well seeing as both of us are as much always together like book and glue...the pages in the book need glue to become a book and the glue needs the pages cuz its needed to form a book.
yeah my mum and me are tight, sometimes disturbingly so, i dont even have a social life cuz my mum is always working to maintain our lifestyle... she is a doctor but in malaysia that dont really matter cuz the doctors in malysia are STILL the most poorly paid in the world... oh yeah and the oil prices finally hit malaysia and the rush to the oil station began...which i think if fairly stupid....the people who actually line up for the cheap petrol before the prices hike up. and they are causing a jam because of their stupidity...
what is stupid you might ask?
well, first of all you waste time,energy and breath from swearing at the guy who cut the cue
2nd of all,you are making other people waste their time and energy when they are not even going to the petrol station!
and thirdly, how much money can you save?! you line up in a jam to the station and lose your cheap petrol then you get there and fill in the cheap petrol then you head back out into the jam and lose the cheap petrol again excessively...causing you to return to the petrol station again the next day to load on the hiked up petrol price petrol...make any sense?
so anyway, back to the point which i am stretching. spend time with my mum a lot but still we try and keep things from each other...knowing that we do.if that makes any sense.
one of the things i cannot discuss with my mum is guys...sure i tell her bout the losers who flirt with me(in person...i'm not talking about myyearbook or facebook...wait there are some losers there to...but not all) most of the losers flirt with me in person...
i heard that only losers flirt with good looking people cuz they often attract jerks... i have a different theory....in my country most of the guys are jerks...well at least most of the malay guys...most not all. now let me tell you how they flirt.

the typical would be a bunch of guys yell at you stuff, mostly to insult you or they do that annoying sound with their lips like they are sucking something....
those are the ones that i got... i had two face to face flirts...one when i was 9...so i dont think that counted and another last week...he was doing this promo with papers...he was okay but nothing i'd be dreaming about...mayb ein a nightmare...

what is wrong with me?!
sometimes i think i am a jerk magnet cuz most of the guys i meet in malaysia are either jerks,rude,no class (and i dont meen high class i mean the type where you dont act like a bastard),dumb,3 heads shorter than me with a big ego or cute,single and buff without a brain or sense of humour that matches mine.
yay!!! i'm on a role. i meet a few guys online who rock but then i feel i'm not good enough for them or in fact not good enought period...sad huh?
then i do meet a guy online who i like but hapens to be on the other side of the world....wait, all the guys i'm interested in that i meet on the web are not of the same country....they mostly live in the us or england... i have a weekness for brits.
so this is the question, will i find the perfect man and does he even exist?
girls give me some opinions and boys... between yourselves do you think a perfect man really exist of is he just a female's fantasy?
(even if katie seems to be the only one reading and commenting on my blog and the rest of my friends who read this is female, males are also wanted to comment if one of you,with exeption of aqil hapens to stumble onto this blog and read this particular article...aqil you are welcome to)

ciau!

lil weird things about my family & friends

2008-06-06T22:57:00.000-07:00

my grandad once drove of without me in the car when he was actually supposed to pick me up to send me to his house.

my mum once lost her specs and found them in the fridge with the bread and chocolates

my grandmum once got into the wrong car and when i found her and started laughing she scolded me and asked me why i wasn't getting in the car.

i once got into a lift and realised that i was going up instead of down.

my best guy friend listens to heavy metal...and he plays golf

my mum and me have a habit of talking to ourselves

people think my mum and me are cousins and they try to flirt with my mum in front of me.

my grandmum thinks that my grandad is chatting up a girl when he talk to one

i once yelled fuckfuckfuck in front of my teacher without realizing it....she was the dicipline teacher.

my grand mother once confused a brinjol with a tomato

my mum always cleans the whole house spotless but her room is worse than mine

my grandad is bent up on safety but he once misplaced the wire of my nebulizer(by the way i dont have asthma but i do wheeze 1 every 2-3 years)

i have allergy rhinitis but i love to drink chilled water.

i am a female jock... i am also a cheerleader (not a good one but i'm getting better)

my girlfriend fuzzy (yes that is actually her nick name) has never said the word sex but we always make jokes about it.

whooo hooo!!!!

2008-06-02T17:55:00.000-07:00

i got a new phone!!! a sony ericsson phone w850i!!!i know its an old phone but it is wayyyy better then my nokia 5060. my mum decided since my phone screen is so busted i can hardly use it, and that i've been practicing my math willingly that i should have it and only if i keep my math grades in reasonable percentages.... not that i got my midterm ppr results for math yet but i know if it is bad then i'll have to give my mum the phone back until i bring them up.
so i know i haven't been writing much, its due to the fact that i didn't get any inspiration or anything to write about.... or maybe i just didn't realize it at the time...
man i prided myself to be someone who does not care what people think, but boy was i wrong... i was so concerned with not caring what people think that i started caring and tried to be perfect... man that sucks!!!
i'm 14 but most people think i'm older... like i can get into pg18 movies older but i look in the mirror and i see a young girl of 15.
so i get disappointed...believe it or not i am really insecure about my looks and little about anything else.... my friends tells me i'm nuts. i tell them they're nuts.
so today i put on my shoes,fav jeans (which i always wear) and my fav top. i feel good...partly cuz i noe i wont lose my balance on account of my wedges go from one side of my feet to the other when i walk..... oh well. my discomfort might also be cuz of my lack of prolonged sleep that every teenager needs.

history today

2008-05-19T18:02:00.000-07:00

so its the 2nd week of my midterms and today is history or "sejarah" as we malaysians call it. but the orogin of the word itself is not malay (as usual). the word sejarah came from the word sajaratun... i think that is arabic...
so anyway, i personally love sejarah, but not of my country.
i'm more into the incans, the greeks, the egyptians, norse mythology and that kind of stuff i dont know everything but i am learning. about the greeks i'm interested in their mythology... did you know zeus was said to disguise himself as a wounded bird and when his future wife put the bird to her chest to warm it zeus turned to his normal self and raped her, then she married him to cover her shame... well some stories say so but others dont, its pretty cool.
then there is norse mythology (vikings) about oden and his hall, and fenrir the wolf that will bring ragnarok to life (the end of the world)
but malaysian history is pretty bleak, just a couple of man in power bringing seeking help from the british to restore or give them power, then the british takes over the country and the man in power cries and says it's not my fault. if this hapened once then at least it is understandable but this hapened 5 times. the sultan's of our country must be very dumb those days. i still dont understand why they kill those who are ritcher then them....

bahasa malaysia

2008-05-13T19:04:00.000-07:00

my BM exam sucks!!!
who the hell cares about proper BM anymore???
i'm pretty happy with english!!!
at least the sentences are shorter and 1 word can mean 10 things and A can be B.
BM on the other hand uses one word for one meaning!
makes the bloody sentence longer than it should. np wonder in malaysia A is A and B is B
most people here follow rules without thinking or knowing why and they never challenge rules even when it is unfair to them because they think they cant do anything!!!
sorry, i'm stressed due to exam... and friend troubles but i rather not say anything about that cuz someone might start a rumour that i backstabbed my friend!
i am no stranger to rumours, some form 1 idiot started a rumour that my dad is not dead but instead he divorced my mum and i did not say anything cuz i'm ashamed...
first of all if my parents diverced why the hell would i lie and say my dad is dead?
he is still my dad and the divorce is my parents buisness not mine!
and secondly my dad IS dead, since i was 5..or was it 6?
why should i keep crying? just because 1 life is gone, that doesn't mean all lives should stoped being lived!!!!
yes my mum handled the death well and she is obviously single, but she has this strong indipendant streak that is usually found in divorcees, that just means my mum is strong!
and i handled it well because when my dad was alive, i hardly ever saw him, i lived with my grandparents cuz my mum and dad were studiying medicine, still i saw my mum more than my dad because he was a mama's boy and did not like to be away from his mum.
we were happy, and we still are, its just that my dad's not here.
all those comenters, dont say "i'm so sorry" because honestly, i dont feel sadness anymore.

mid term mayham

2008-05-12T18:15:00.000-07:00

midterm is coming and i haven't studied boot
for once i'm speechless and all i can think of saying is
SHIT!!!

between mother's day and midterms

2008-05-11T18:14:00.000-07:00

so its monday and smack in the middle of my mids and my mums.
but since i find the subject of my mum more cheerful than that of an anoying piece of paper that you would love to swear at, but would look stupid while doing so, i'll talk about my mum.
so i bought her a bracelet, the day before mum's day...so it was all rather hurried.
anyway, so i wraped it up and went down to the car, since i was supposed to wash it for 5 bucks (hey! it might be mother's day but i still need money, that bracelet was not cheap!)
what i did do after opening the car door was close it, locked it and ran up the stairs to my mum's room to say that i found something dead and bloodied on the passenger's seat.the conversation after that is as follows:-

ummi: what is it?

me:its something dead!!!

ummi:no, i mean what animal is it?

me: i dunno its to covered in blood i dont know what it is!!! you better look at it!

ummi: (in a panicked tone) how did it get there?

by this time we were half way to the car

me:how should i know?!

so she went to the car and saw what was in the seat and stopped. she looked like she just got punkd. teehee, i yelled happy mothers day and gave her a big hug, she told me that i should join drama and she is now wearing the bracelet to work...

i gave her a good shock!, damn i should have recorded it!!!!

old memories

2008-05-08T19:12:00.000-07:00

its kinnda weird when you read your diary again 2 years after writing it... you realise that things seem stupid and other things funny.
so i read my diary from 2006 again and laughed at some parts and frowned at some parts realising things that you never realised before... puzzles that you hated to answer, words that should have been said and situations long forgoten (and this was only two years ago!)

one particular occurance that is extremely funny and sad at the same time. i dunno if you'll get the sad part but the funny part is definately there.
i have this friend...long time friend who is probably gonna read this article without commenting.
so anyway, this friend was my boyfriend two years ago (now ex). and i had this cool teacher when i was in primary...i'll call her MJ

i was in the school chess team then and we just won the second place in zon keramat (quite a big deal) so MJ decided to treat us at McD's and while waiting for the food my teacher scrolled my phone with my permision. so she went over my contacts and found my friends name... erm i'll call him capoeira, MJ found Capoeira's phone number and asked me who he is... i said he was a friend.... (i was not gonna tell MJ the truth!!!)
but my friends told her otherwise... i kept insisting we were friends, so to check she sent a txt msg to him it said

ini BF myra, kenape u ade nombor dea?

which basicly means

this is myra's BF, why does she have your number

she actually sent it, i saw it with my eyes!

she sent that to my boyfriend at the time!!!!

he got angry at me, like he should (not that i admited it at the time) he said that he only gave me the number cuz he trusted me. as for the BF thing, i think he was mad...
ok he was but not really
i guess he was more mad that i gave my phone to MJ
teehee, if you're wondering if he replyed the msg, he did.
he said we were just friends... which pissed me off.
a lot. he does not know that either... now he does.

sick pervert

2008-04-28T07:09:00.000-07:00

so there is this guy at st john who called me a lesbian...would you have shut up???
i wont, i didn't
so here is how it started....
i was going down tangga ampang and i yelled to nicole to hurry up cuz i'm not gonna wait for her...
well being the dumb malay guy, this guy is mamak through.
so he starts yelling hurry up on and on... then the rest of his gang joined in and i paid them no attention... till they overly annoyed me, by this time, nicole was by my side and it was raining, she asked me what's up and i said "i think its that song by che'nelle "hurry up"
they still yelled, i put my arm around nicole's shoulder cuz we were under the same small umbrella..and that's when the guys started to yell "oi oi lesbian"
i still egnored them until the cheer got so loud and i got so annoyed that i turned around to face him and said "are you some kind of psyco pervert who looks out for lesbians?"
thankfuly he understood me and backed of..
the second day i found a rat on my shoe... i yelled and jumped to get it off but when it was off i kept jumping cuz i was afraid to step on the rat. he saw me and the whole bus laughed. bollocks!

i really think that was ammbarasing... like hell!!!!

what's up dawg?

2008-04-28T06:53:00.000-07:00

for the teacher's day...day at school, we are doing this group dance thing. we have a cool name, i think its "black rose" but i cant be sure, thats the name we used last year.
so anyway, we're doing a hip hop dance, and we don't really care if the teacher's enjoy themselves, in fact we are going to show the teachers how they don't want all of their students to be like.
as for the students, i hope they appreciate it... we are gonna wake them up from the deep slumber that the other ten contestant's hip hop dances and show them real break dancing... i hope...
so anyway i am now writing this because i'm bringing a cd of dance songs and the team members wanted me to bring ching-a-ling... but i ended up downloading more dance songs that might work, so i am now waiting for them to download.
i have cheer practice tomorrow as well as the hip hop thing...
hip hop thing is at nine in the morning and my cheer is at 11.30, then i'll have sivic...
god, did i mention i'm bringing the radio to school? and that i'm going earlier... like 2 hours before 9 cuz my mum cant send me to school after that?
i'm just wondering how i'm gonna bring the radio on the subway or LRT.... can you imagine me?
with my huge bag,huge radio and small but tall body...
imagine it...
now stop laughing (if you even laughed... its not even funny!)
apart from that there is nothing much to say on this subject...

sick, again

2008-04-17T18:36:00.000-07:00

i just came back from my aunt's holiday... well, she's my grandad's sister's daughter, so i guess she does qualify as my aunt...
i still cant believe it... wan cik married!
i was sick during this ordeal but i still went to the wedding, which took place in kuantan, so last week on thursday right after i got back from school i shoot straight to my kampung (which is in kajang so i cant brag i traveled hard or long) slept there and the next morning i made the journey to kuantan. in the back seat of a car containing me, and my bickering grandparents... i'm sure they love each other. but i think sometimes even they forget it and they make other people forget it.

i guess thats what hapens to you after all those years of marriage... hmm, maybe i should prepare my dear wan cik of what lies in her future by trying her up and tossing her in a car with my grandparents on their way to her wedding, then she would've canceled the whole ordeal...

not that my grandparents are miserable or anything, its just that they argue a lot, not in a rough way either. the annoying thing is that they argue over the stupidest things....
but i guess that is marriage.

one more side effect of marriage i guess is that they start wearing lifejackets and big flotties or what ever you people call it, when bathing at the beach... not even deep....
i guess my grandad might be afraid that my grandma might drown him if he talks to a woman and makes my granmum jealous...which happens a lot, my grandma has a weird way of thinking.... not nuts or anything just a very...weird way of thinking....like, my grandad cant even be normal kind to the maid, cuz apparently all indonasian maids want to steal your husband... i think my grandma is in trauma cuz of her dad being a playboy and liked a maid. she's not mean to the maids.... just paranoid... she thinks the maids are going to do some witchcraft hocus-pocus on us to make us comply with her... yeah my grandma can be weird... but i dont think that is caused by marriage, cuz my grandad aint like that... he IS stuborn and hates having to bring his wife to the other end of the world in order to get fresh fish because she refuses to grasp the fact that once you add in the patrol and the cost of the supposedly cheap fish the overhead cost is gonna be higher, when i point this out to her she says i'm paroting my mum... hell no, i dont parot... its just that YOURE SPENDING MORE MONEY!!!
any non-sensical 2 year old can figure that out and just because i have the brain and common sense of a person 1 or 2 years older than me (amongst most malays anyway) does not mean i'm a parot...

i wanted to write about how i got horror sick but ended up ranting about marriage instead...i got redirected again....

but i wonder, why do we get married, other than the reason to reproduce the next generation?

why wont anyone believe me?

2008-04-03T18:45:00.000-07:00

i know april fools was three days ago and i have to tell you, that i had a lot of trouble to make them believe something important and life changing... the trouble is that since it is april fool's day, it wasn't easy to convince the girls i had hell, this is how it started...

during civic, i went over to aazraa's table and told her i lost my virginity, her jaw dropped and she almost told teacher and i told her it was a joke. he turned around and i did a double bluff and said

me: but really, i did.

aazraa: seriously

me:yeah

aazraa: no...seriously, are you serious?

me:do i look like i'm kidding?

aazraa: no..... tell me this is a joke

me:nope

aazraa: but you are a malay!

me:is that really an issue nowdays?

aazzra:when?

me:sports day

aazraa:but...WHERE?

me:toilet

aazraa:what, how

me:do you really wanna know?

class ends and we get up, aazraa tells fuzzy, fuzzy thinks its a joke since its first of april...
but i managed to convince her to, then she tells ash,(who likes to believe the best of people...she can be to inocent sometimes..) didn't believe me either, but she did tell alia, whom first thought it was a joke, but believed me in the end... this is how, she dragged me out of class towards the caffeteria and questioned me...
i told her about my foot in the toilet bowl and how my shoe stunk when i got home... so i had to clean it... that was when she finally believed me... finally, she got it.

aazraa, fuzzy and ash were still not out from class, i assumed they were doing their class cleanliness duties...
so alia was asking me about it... and when and how and stuff, so i told her... then....
suddenly aazraa, fuzzy and ash headed for my table and started lecturing me about what i've done... since i am a muslim, i cant get laid because it is against our beliefs... we just talk about getting laid and wonder. we dont actually do it, so i guess that was the point.
aazraa, being the big mouth she is, said loudly, "do you know that doing it means berzinah? you can mandi wajib and samak all you want but the sin stays"

fuzzy said "you know myra, you are a malay girl! how can you do this?"

ash said" it cant be true, its a joke, it has to be"

and

alia said "it is true, she told me that her shoe went into the toilet and told me all the details

then aazraa said "tell them if its true or not and we wont ask you again"

i said it was true and fuzzy asked again "oh my god, are you serious?"

i could not stand it anymore!!! i have to make the message stick in their heads!!!

APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!

note: not only the members of my class know of that joke, but so do other classes, not all but a considerable amount... i have to say... I ROCK!

guests from hell

2008-03-31T18:09:00.000-07:00

30 minutes left in the shower, air conditioning left on for the entire day, children left alone at home, children stomping their foot on the suspended wooden staircase in front of their parents and the parents are not doing anything!!!
this is what i had to put up with this weekend.
it started with my sports day.i had to sleep in my grand's house, then i'll stay till my mum picks me up the following Monday (which is a holiday).

so that night-the night after my sports day,which was held that morning- i found that my grandma had invited guests over to sleep overnight at the house. i was shocked because i didnt know that they would be sleeping over.... my grandma just said, "Mira, sit properly! we have guests coming"
so i was worried that i'd have to sleep somewhere other then my room. my grandma said that i did not have to go anywhere, so did the guest. what the guest (also a family member, however distant) didn't say was that she invited her brother and his wife and children to sleep over to, without saying anything to my grandmum.
so i was going to my room and found that there was someone occupying it, namely my grandmum's guest's brother's wife and child. so i sat there talking. not noticing the bags that were tucked away in a corner. i thought that the she and her husband were just resting in that room, as sometimes guests do. but i did not expect that she was going to sleep there. so i went out after chatting friendlily to her about stars in the us. i watched tv with my aunt pah'e and waited for them to go home... then this movie came up on astro and i got stuck till' midnight.
after the movie i wanted to sleep and found my bedroom door locked and herd snoring inside and i panicked, cuz' my stuff were in there. i told my grandma and she said that she too did not know they were sleeping over,but since they are guests, i should act all nice and not wake them up. so ok, i didn't... wake them up that is. i anded up sleeping on the sofa of the upstairs tv room where i watched the movie earlier. i was uncomfortable because i could not move and that my leg was still hurting from the runs on sports day that morning, hot and very pissed.
i could not sleep and neither could my aunt and grandma, since i was sleeping "out in the open",
the area is famous for break ins.
so in this state of wakefulness, at about 2 in the morning i heard.... well i think every one heard a door opening and shutting (slamming) shut, so i woke up and saw that saw that our unwelcome guest had gone out for a potty break. so i talked to her and took my stuff out of the room. she then proceded to go to the toilet, slamming her door shut again.
the next morning, the bunch of them went out to get some stuff for laksa making leaving their children behind with us. we were thankful of them leaving the house, up until the kids started running up and down the stairs and making outrageously loud noises upstairs, we were all grumbling cuz apparently the parents let the children play in the bathroom for 30 minutes, their grandma had to tell them to get out, and don't ask me what the parents were doing, i don't know.

bang boom, loud gigling
i was so damn annoyed that i went upstairs and told them not to make so much noise, not to stop playing but to stop screaming at the top of their lungs. i went down stairs and about half an hour later i heard Rogayah screaming her lungs out. i went upstairs and told Rogayah to stop yelling so much and her big bro to stop "kacauing" her.

their parents got back home and hell broke loose, i had to tell the kids in front of their parents to behave themselves, not that the parents showed any shame. they would have stayed another night if it not were for our intended guest's husband, had called them a thousand times to get home, i think he knows their 'perangai' well. so they went home but not without leaving a deep scar on all of us....

i really cant understand how the parents of the kids could not control them or tell them off.
they don't correct their children's mistakes and then,when they get older they wonder why their children become Mat Remp-its.

so now, i know how those children gone missing (there are three now, the first was found dead, naked in a gym bag with traces of a zuchini being stuffed up her vagina) and why they are all malay. the simple fact is that MOST malays know how to make children but they dont know how to educate and control them, so they just don't. so this is the next generation.

pride and prejudice

2008-03-24T18:39:00.000-07:00

pride. the downfall of most characters and the main of more... namely a bunch of asses who might be your boss.
prejudice.something that can get you in trouble, if the person you are sidded with hapens to rob a bank and acuse you of it, you while being temporarily insane and blinded by prejudice might side with him on that one.

i a m talking about this book because i read the book recently and realised how bad our generation is compared to the substle and polite world of the victorians.
for example, if the want to say that you are not a total fucking dumb-ass idiot bitch, all they might say is "she is not such a SIMPLETON as that"
and as i read this i wonder, as WHAT?

of course compared to those days, we have more things to do....more PRODUCTIVE things to do.
if a person who lived in victorian times gets resurected and reads this, then they might think... "but of course we do productive things"
well, in my opinion, the meaning of PRODUCTIVE those days might differ to what we find are productive... they produce PRODUCTS of their loins, while we write in our blogs,study our sciences,learn our languages and invent our gadgets.

seriously,think about it, how many families are as big as those in victorian times?
how many more male and woman die an old maid or male? WAY more than the percentage those days. why? because we are more seductive....oooppsss i meant PRODUCTIVE.

hehe... never mind.

aftermath

2008-03-23T18:08:00.000-07:00

i just came back from redang, tanned,happy,crazy cuz i read both my books and didn't bring a third and... dry
my holiday was a funny one with not that many pictures... of the holiday nor of me.
well, not of my face anyway.
my mum (always the joker), took pictures of my bikini top part and my ass, instead of my face.
of course i did not delete it, on acount of it actually looking good, me not the bikini, but i think the bikini might have helped. what else can give the allusion of cleavace that a push up bikini?!
hehe, i went into this topic cuz i have to tell ya about this one incident. first you have to understand 2 things, the fist is that JALAN means WALK and JALANG means PROSTITUTE.

THEN i can tell you what hapened.
when i was in terrenganu, on pulau redang. you have to understand that the terrenganu people have a slang all their own, like the californian slang versus the new york slang.
so me and my mum were looking for a necklace or something to remember the holiday. we were both wearing our swimmingsuits me in my bikini and my mum in her tankini, we both wore one of those beach skirts, me with a slit and her with out... FYI i was wearing her beach skirt. i dont own one and hers was sexy. all of them. we went to lagoona beach resort's gift shop without finding anything that i particularly like so we were on our way back towards the coral redang beach resort's gift shop when midway down lagoona's beach a ball got mis kicked and landed in front of my mum and i. the guy who took it hapened to be the same guy out of the three guys who were our guide the day before when we used one of our three free snorkling trips.
so he said "kau hang buat apo?"
"tengoh menjalang eh"

my mum said cooly that we "berjalan" not "menjalang"
the poor guy turned around and ran off without knowing what he did wrong.
after that particular obstacle there were acouple of man monkeys staring at us (at ME says my mum) i am talkin' bout the monkeys who can talk, not the ooh ooh ahh ahh monkeys.
i just egnored them, as usual. so then after stoping at the gift shop on coral redang, we went towards my grandma. i told my mum not to tell my grandma. she did not listen. so we endded up with trying to explain to her the meaning of the joke and that it was a joke. not to mention putting up with the repeat of the samer joke throughout the entire holiday. my grandad got it but thought that i took the guy seriously.
seriously, sometimes i think that i have an adams family, i go so far as to sing their theme song once things get weird...er
from a first glance, our family, when together never looked weirder.
my grandad looks arab, my grandmum looks like an orang putih...ot sure a brit or merican, my mum who looks chinese, me who looks punjabi, my uncle (who is in england with his family) who looks typical malay along with his wife and children, my aunt haley cik who looks chindian and her husband who looks chinese and is partly, their children my cousins who look chinese, then there is my weird aunt haley, who is the youngest and the oddball of the family who looks chindian.
there is a joke about my family made by me that describes certain things about them

my grandad (tok)-you know when he is around when you hear his err.... diplomatic laugh, and he only laughs like that when talking to a non-member of the family.

my grandma (babah)-she can pass as an orang putih, even with his tudung... until she opens her mouth, then you will know she is malay.

my mum (ummi)-she might look at you in a far away expresion and smile sheepishly and you might think she like likes you, when in fact she might actualy be thinking about fermat's egnima.

me (mia,mira,yom)- when i say i want to read in peace, it means i'm going to the toilet to read.

my uncle (walit)- he wore pink tight pants when he was a teen, we were lucky he married

my aunt in-law (aunty husna,ibu nana)-no joke. cept mayb that she looks sweet but has a mean temper once egravated, mostly by her children.

my cousin(haikal)-he put my panau cream on his face thinking it was like the mosturizer that his mum wears.

my cousin (haziqah)-like all the woman in our family, she is a pain in her brothers ass.

my aunt (haleycik)-to blunt to be true...sometimes.but she can be nice and funny when in the right mood, namely not in the morning or when her children aren't acting like monkeys.

my uncle in-law(uncle wayne)-he is so thought full that sometimes he losses track of his children.he is very smart but can be a bit silly sometimes.

my cousin(yaya)- she is the girliest of the bunch of us.she is afraid of the dark and almost scratched my eyeballs out when i said 'cat woman' one night when she forced me to watch this stupid movie instead of cat woman.

my cousin(haidan)-when i come to his house he will run to me and hung me from beking while his sister hugs me on my front. the funny thing is that he is as tall as my waist, so when he hugs me from behind and screams, his face is actualy in my ass.

my cousin(madihah,baby)-she once slapped my grandad and she constantly bullies her older brother.

my aunt (haley)- she is sorta weird, she likes to do things her own way, which is not often the easiest,and refuses to change herself or do anything the easy way if it is not her own,she is paranoi.

you might not think this particularly funny but i bet whe you see and meet them you will agree with me.

anyway ciau!

what's it so far

2008-03-15T02:44:00.000-07:00

there hasn't been any new developments since i last wrote in this blog nor much that has the potential of being new, unless you count the books and the baseball that i wanted since i was little.
i was sick and still am... but barely so.
i have been sick since last Thursday, which i had to skip school on and Sunday was a holiday as was the week after that. right now in malaysia, its saturday the 14th, and tomorrow i'm going on holiday at Terrenganu, Pulau Redang. for a week. so i wont be in school for another week. because on the week that i had my first bout of fever,its monday and tuesday i was going for pra-sports.
pre-sports for sports day. so as of this month, i have and am going to skip school for three months.thats like summer holiday minus 1 week. so i'm gonna be really behind in my work when i get back. i am also going to miss two cheer practices and i'm gonna be dead once my captain and co captain gets their hand on me... which is estimated to be around....2 seconds of my arrival. its not like they dont have enough on their minds so far. the form 1s are decidedly pain in the butts but that is compared to us... maybe the seniors are always going to think their juniors pain in the butts. since they do have the tendecy to be shy and unmixing with the senior... ceh ceh baru 14 dah nak berlagak senior.
well it is true. the 'juniors' do treat us differently than they would usually do if we were the same age.
well... most of them anyway.
as i was saying, the form ones in cheer this year are kind of... gedik and mengada. which means, they are being pathetic and acting like drama queens, like, oh my god!!! the senior yelled at me because i did not do what they asked me to do! so right now i'm gonna complain and get them burned!
that kind of pathetic and i think you can also say, bitchy.
not all of them but a select few. they also dont get it when the captain and co are scolding them cuz of their ignorance. they just ignore it.
not all but a select few. i dont think we will win this season. cuz the girls aren't working together. no team work or co operation at all. including me. i'm workin' on that and so far it ain't goin so bad. i managed to make a few new friends and get re aquainted with another. but in the mean time, i'm gonna chill. and how do ya like my new layout?
i luv it but i'm considering on adding a few more touches to it to complete it.
well ciou!

the secret

2008-02-20T17:09:00.000-08:00

yesterday, we were talking about plants and how they respond to stimuli. the process is called tropism.
there are three main forms of tropism. hydrotropism,geotropism and phototropism.
water,gravity,light.
there is also nastic movements, which means the plant responses to touch at any direction. eg;
Mimosa Pudica.
i started to wonder why a human's life cant be the same?
i rather think that it is,yet we made it complicated.
school is created to mold us into citizens that would fit into the system of the world. we complain but are still forced to be molded because we realise that it is the only way we can live in tis world.
sometimes i wonder whether we are going to ruin the very world that we tried so hard to build. all in the name of money.
we are becoming a money driven society, and we do what we do to survive.
but i know that life dosn't have to be like that. you make your world. if you think to much about money, then you're in trouble, because your life is only going to be about making money. so much that you forget why you want to make money in the first place.

is this it?

2008-02-17T16:44:00.000-08:00

last week there was a chess competition at our school. so the guys and girls from other schools came to our school for the zon keramat level. naturaly i we didn't think about it the least... the part about the guys that is... we (me and my friends) thought that they'd all be nerds... as in genuine geeks, we judged by the saint john guys's chess team, who are all incredibly nerdy.
of course i should have known that high school chess players aren't any difference when it comes to versatility of types. meaning not all of them were that bad looking. i should have known, after all i played chess and i'm certainly not a geek. neither were they, not ALL of them at least. which makes me wonder, do appearance really matter in anything?
in school most of the cool kids have so much potential to do anything they want. yet they shy away from it because of peer preasure and fear of making an ass of themselves resulting in them not learning anything. how can you learn if you don't make mistakes?
sure they're ambarasing, but it is only so because you care about being ambarassed.
the chess dudes are the ones who are supposed to be the cool ones because they are the ones who step up and do all that they wanna do, not caring for anyone else's business but their own.
i'm not gonna bad mouth the cheerleaders because i'm one of them. i also understand that what our co-captain said is true. chearleaders are like any other people, we are just like the olahragawati's and the netball girls.
in my opinion this is indeed true but society was the one that made chearleading a big thing.
in western or european countries chearleaders are to be hit cuz they chear for guys to raise spirits, the guys misinterpret it as us being damn easy... so in the coming generations it became so because the girls were changed by society, society was the one that made us 'cool' and the girls put it into their heads that this is true. don't get me wrong, the spirit is still there but so is the "i'm so cool attitude". not all chearleaders but most.
so what exactly is "cool"? is it a bunch of people who are stupid enough to fall for the ad's in the magazines made for making the big guy's money? a bunch of people who gave into society and was stupid enough to care to much for their reputations?
yeah right!

the new year as a rat.

2008-02-11T16:55:00.000-08:00

its the year of the rat!
the other day fly F.M. had this thing called the 'pagi' show where they ask people their opinions on different things everyday, and this was about the new year, do we live like a rat or live with a rat to be prosperous this year...
well, currently i'm practicing both without realising it, partly because the rat decided to test my and my mum's patients and decided that since it was their year the can gnaw anything it wants... its funny cuz all these years we never had a single whisker in our house... apart from the cat which is now hopelesly adicted to friskeys's whisker and even that it snuck in.
as for the living like a rat,
the rat likes to live in a damp and dark place. well the house is dark most of the time cuz we're not there. and as for the dampness, a few years ago our old neighbour did something to his side of the roof, our side was and still is affected so when it rains heavily, the water drips in.
and i dont think it'll be a prosperous new year this year, cuz single's torture day is comin' on the fourteenth and i dont think i'll get any, that's an ultimate low for a girl unless she dosen't care.
and i sorta do, i mean i don't get fretfully upset if i don't get one, i'll just feel bothered.
i'm officialy a reserve.... yay!
hope i can make it to the main stream b4 cheercom...
but for now, i have to go study for my exam...

golf and a bitch

2008-02-03T18:04:00.000-08:00

last friday instead of going to klcc with my friends ( mum forbid), i'm at the bukit jelutong golf practice area thing watching my mum hit M's
i was editing my essay and starting a new one, which i would publish shortly, when my cell belted out tokyo drift.
i took it and ash was on the other end asking me if i really called this freakishly anoying girl in my class a bitch (which i didn't...now you know) i said no. i did not (as you already knew, but i have a talent as to repeat thing several times) what i did say was that she was vain ( at this point ash was upset cus i didn't).
this was the story,we were in class and i was trying to do my work, can't to noisy.
anyway, fat mango (FM) was talking about food (as usual) then that girl said in this really...really... REALLY anoying and comanding tone "can you please stop talking about food azra?! i know you are the queaen of food (referance to our choral speaking skript) the way she said it was very anoying... and the tone... sometimes i think she speaks through her belly and stress it on the throat, it was so anoying and rude and distracting, that i turned around and said "suke hati lah dea nak cakap pasal makanan ke ape ke hak dea,mulut dea" which translates to "its up to her what she wants to talk about, its her mouth" and she gave me this look which is short of bitchy and said " you boleh jagan sampok tak? mulut you macam orang tua" which translates to "can you please now interupt me like that, your mouth is like a granny's" ( which is weird cuz she was the one with the sharp tongue and bitchy attitude) i replied
"kau ingat mulut kau tu mude sangat ke?"
"ye memang!" she replied
"then you perasan" i said turning my back on her anoying face

that translates to

"you think you mouth is that young?"
"yes, definatedly" she replied
"then you are very vain" i said

so basicly i told her that her mouth is as bad as a gossiping nanny's, and that she is vain...which she is.
its not like i hate her, she can be tolerable at times... rarely. but most of the time she's bitchy and controling, she thinks she can tell anyone what to do just because she is a prefect... no wait she was already like that before but it got worse after being a prefect. i really don't like people telling me what to do when he or she dosen't actually have a right to. i've tried to egnore her but now everyone wants me to be class conductress because they don't want her to be. cuz she's all show. but the problem is that, i don't want to because i like being on stage and doing my expressions then down there with my ass facing the crowd.
i've pointed out that if she becomes conductress it would be a win-win situation, cus she gets to be conducteress and if she does we can burn her if she steps out of line and if she can't take it and quits it would be a win for us.
i have no idea but i think thaat she needs to get her head to earth and i would want to do that because i dont like being stepped over by someone who isn't it.

olahraga

2008-01-28T18:33:00.000-08:00

i'm not in. because the teacher who said that he would hold another audition for us when we told him we couldn't make it to the first due to other tryouts... but we were still interasted... very much so in entering and we also have teh talent to. but when the results of the other tryouts were confirmed we wen't to ask him about the track and field one... he said that the audition had closed 2 weeks ago.
i am mother fucking angry!
how the hell can he do that?
he sad that there were many other girls who were short listed for under 15...
let me tell you. all the stars of last year aren't there. so the runners must be form one. they can't run. some of them can beat the form two but i guess we will never know since we won't get the chance.
if he had a brain he would have given us a chance to compete against them... because we brought medals to them last year, we made him a popular choice for any sport. and he is telling me that i won't have a chance because he was dumb and he is not going to get as many medals as last year. i am willing to commit. i will put olahraga in front of cheerleading!
it does not make sense that a person who made zon cant compete in an interschool competition because of not being given a chance by someone who said he would.
today is the final audition and he said that only those with names down can compete...
if he had a brain he would let us compete in the final audition to test us against his 'FINEST' final athletes.
this is not th first time he fucked my mood of. last year when i won first for high jump and not hafsah, whom he trained before and while practice is on. when i won instead of her,i heard him tell her that i only got number one because i was tall. while i worked my butt of literaly to pass that pole.. i guess he does have an ego which is bigger then his brain...not that that is saying much.
as you can guess i am mother fucking damn cuntly angry.

i really hope that those athletes are good... or he'll have a big FUCKING huge ego wound which i will rub salt onto...more than needed.

ideas and blisters

2008-01-24T18:58:00.000-08:00

so i'm currently working on my commonwealth essay... as well as trying to keep up with my homework... not so hot for my fingers... my middle finger is blistered and so is my abdominal muscles... the cheer aerobics thing started last tuesday and i must say that trying to be flexible when you're eight is easier then trying to when you're thirteen. i'm not really that upset over it.. at least i can now do a cartwheel and a headstand...almost.

anyway, about my essay, so far i have changed the topic twice because i cant decide what to do. i have loads of ideas on three of the questions and i keep considering each after writing another.
so its not that easy... i just consulted teacher and she said i should go with the 2nd one... so i guess so, cus the first one had 300 words, and i havn't even intoduced any characters... like the classics.

the system

2008-01-20T18:40:00.000-08:00

i'm still banned from the lrt which is sad cuz i've got sports' day auditon...today.
the good news is that i wont miss the tryout completely.... just most of it.
and tomorow my track and field tryouts for mssmkl and my 1st practice with a coach are overlapping. my T&F starts at 11.15 and the cheer thing starts at 11.30

my mum finishes work at 11.15 so the remaining 15 minutes are for me to get to school...
i think i have to miss the cheer thing cuz i'm already on that team but the T&F is still uncertain...

the system in our school is as such (the timeing) that a student can only do one thing at once... no wonder Malaysia isn't producing any multi-taskers or any quick witted people...
Yikes! this sucks!

greek myth

2008-01-17T17:36:00.000-08:00

god! i'm dying because or this oral test! my english teacher gave us free topic and i chose greek mythology...the gods in particular.
no offense to the greeks but the gods didnt do anything but give birth and make love!
and zeus had nothing else to do but have affairs! i know his father tried to eat him but he can't be that messed up... he mated with his own sister! i mean,gaea had a reason to mate with her son! it was because she had to keep the generation going! but zeus! huh!
first he worked hard to get his wife which he succeded to do by turning in to a lame bird to take pity from the pre wife... so she put the bird to her breast to warm it, then zeus turned into his normal form and raped her... then, to cover her shame she married him.
how did he celebrate his victory? by fucking more goddeses!
yikes. when i saw the family tree i flipped. i tried to print it but only a quarter of it came out so i had to copy it manually.
it took me four A4 sized paper stuck together (two top,two bottom), to copy them!
guys you gotta wish me luck with this!

nothing is impossible

2008-01-17T16:50:00.000-08:00

i tried out for cheer one day after i tried out for netball and right now my thighs are killing me softly. i can hardly sit down or get up without them hurting. i am also banned from the LRT because for the first time this year that i forgot to call my mum the moment i reached school...she banned me. so, sadly, i cant go for the olahraga (track and field) tryouts next tuesday morning... nor the cheer practice that starts next week... yes, i got in and i still cant believe it!
i'm suprised as hell... but then again i'm probably gonna end up a reserve anyway...
other than that not much hapened to tell. i excidently dailed a number and wasted my credit... this guy probably heard the 'conversation' with my mum this morning... he didn't know who she was but he STILL thought she was my mum... he told me through text... kinda weird that i dailed a number and it turned out to be registered... even more weirdly to a guy...
................. he just called me... bugger. he knows i'm a school girl and that i dont want to have anything to do with him and he asked me where i am...
to hell was i going to tell him! i dont even know him! why the hell would tell i tell him my name and where i am... he could be a pitofile for all i noe! jeez! maybe when i was younger i would have fell for it but i know better now. ever since i endded up coupling with my bestfriends cousin by mistake!
like EW!!!!!
i still cant get over that!

so, talking about guys, last week i went back with ash (who despite her nickname is a girl and one of my bestfriends) ,debs and fiona throught the back way to Dang Wangi (which in english means 'nice smelling shit') LRT station when i said this one guy was cute... ash agreed and they somehow got it in their head that i have a crush on him... so they told dhiv who i think might have a crush on him to. i guessed when she came to my class to give me 'info' on the guy and here's the low down... he's malay mix, which i was right in guessing he was, what i didnt guess was that malay blood was mixed in there... malay guys dont tend to be cute... unless they're mix. so i dont really care about him until dhiv mentioned that the guy went around wearing tights and glasses... that either means that he's athletic and smart, dosn't give a damn what people think of him or quirky which interests me... i'm not into looks its just that he is interesting. c'mon!! how many guys who you see (not including rugby players) who wear tights and pair it up with glasses? it intrigues me. i like interesting guys... look at my ex bf's the first is a bookworm who liked transformers and also a funny guy...and has puss in boots eyes (which he doesn't do anymore since he now has a cat to do it for him) and my 2nd who coupled with me after meeting me... he was a mistake.... a BIG mistake, collosal.

so, i know i said i don't want to have a boyfriend this year... but maybe...just maybe i might have to change my mind... i have to get to know him first, then i can decide.

mistake left unspoken

2008-01-03T17:53:00.000-08:00

last year i was a complete bitch to this girl who used to be close to me...
i know you think this is somewhat direct but i am direct and so is my writing.
at the begining of the end of the school year, i realised my error. how i made people get to me.
so through my holiday i decided to stop caring what people said to me... i didnt before about stuff like what i wore and how i act but i now discovered people can get to you in other ways and a single comment can set a whole heart of hurt.
yes she hurt me in a way but i did not realised until one single comment from someone. i don't recall her name and yet i know her or i would not have listened to her.
the story starts like this. i met this girl who was my mum's friend's daughter at her mom's shop where my mum was giving her an injection of somekind...or was it a check up?
i don't remember. well anyway i met her and we were the sdame age and we got along great.

so i started my school year at C.B.N high school and on the first (or was it second?)day at the school sitting next to her mum. turns out she was going to school at C.B.N to. i was very happy. so this girl joined the chearleading junior squad and in the begining i i didn't mind. then when midway to the compotition this gilr pointed out to me that ever since my friend started practicing she was starting to get distant...as if to ditch me. in the begining i thought it was totaly untrue but the more i think of it the more true the words of that girl sounded...now i realise that it was because she (my friend codename iris) was socialising more and i was selfish to think that she would not... that was my first BIG mistake. i decided to get far away from her before she hurt me... 2nd mistake. 3rd mistake was that i started to listen to girls that said iris was this and taht and at that time i belived them... now i know i was stupid (i know this sounds dramatic but this can hapen in real life and is has) how can i listen to other girls opinion when i've known iris to be a very kind and nice girl who is not a bitch and knows her bearings and never will forget them. i started to say bad stuff to and now i really feel like poking a metal stick through my mouth. well, as you guessed the girls told iris... they really do see to like catfights... or maybe it was habit... of course iris heard about the things i said and said bad tings back...
at the begining someone told me that iris said something bad about me and that kindda made me even more angry... how stupid of me. it was only natural that she made a comeback at me... i would have done the same.
so yesterday i told iris that i was sorry i was such a bitch last year and i told her the deal but now i realise that i told her my fealings after the comment and not about the comment itself... so i've got to work on that but i don't think she will forgive me and hey! i can't blame her. but i told her i missed her and so and so. i was not ambaressed to admit it to her... i was completely wrong...what i did was wrong.sorry when meant isn't easy to say... it took me the whole train ride to get the guts to say anyting...
but when i did i felt as if it was useless because even if she does forgive me and we become friends again (which i don't think would likely hapen) i wonder if i ever could forgive myself for being the very thing i despise. so now i guess i've learned my lesson... and know the power of words even more than before...
i really don't have any more to say about this...so bye

still no scoop on my holiday...for y'all that is

2008-01-02T17:47:00.001-08:00

guess what being as useless as i am due to the fact that i have no time to do it despite of being on holiday (that in efect yesterday but now in fact i'm back in school and determined to 'work it out' this year), i still haven't saved my holiday pictures to my flash drive. so no story on the holiday... i'll have to do it soon through cuz sooner or later the dang teachers at C.B.N are gonna give us mounds of homework... not to mention pressing us for our holiday homework (the H.H as i call them) which as espected,i haven't completed...well i've done reserch for my sivic class and wrote down 5 recipes for my home ec. class (which apparently i have to take since we took acountancy last year,we being my class and the gals in the N,A,W,P classes..so likewise the B,U,K,T flers are taking acountancy this year)
i've done my english homework,since the holiday homework was to read AT LEAST 2 books... i read around ten...more or less so i've got that in the bag... or at leat i will once i get the nilam book and write it all down because i'm not sure if i should continue using my 3 form 1 books or buy a new one for form two. so i'm gonna go to school today and ask...
other than that i haven't touched my math homework...in fact i can't find it nor my B.M( Bahasa Melayu),my agama islam (Muslim Studies),nor my science...which i also cant find...shit i better find it and complete it before the 14th or i'm gonna start on the wrong foot with my new science teacher (new if my old science teacher decides to teach another class,otherwise its fine cuz i'm not that bad at science and i havent shown any trouble in that particular class.... damn i'm toast if its the other teacher....

cousin trap

2007-12-28T08:24:00.000-08:00

i was recently in alamanda/putrajaya eating lunch at a store called Lemongrass.
i was waiting for my mum(who was working in a clinic just outside the shopping complex)
i was looking quite miserable on acount of my allergies acting up.my eyes were red and puffy,i had a tissue on my slightly red nose and i was having this head splitting headace (or however you spell it) and my mum had lots of patients to see... i had been waiting for her for almost half an hour when i looked up and saw my cousin...another cousin beside her and another cousin beside her and another cousin on CRUTCHES tagging behind them.

-to explain the guy/cousin on crutches, he had a motorbike accident, he's not a mat remp-it or anything... he is anything but,that's why he crashed into that tree. ok, this was what hapend. this guy -Nader- was playing football in the field with his bonehead friends (i only met one of omar's-cousin of close relation with nader and me ...friend,thats singular and he's single and my age AND taller than me,the friend not omar, anyway the point is that i don't know any of nader's friends but if they're anything like him i'm sure they're boneheads) and one of them brought a motorbike...so naturaly, they each took turns for a ride around the field...somehow it then got to the road (i'm sure it was a dare but that was how Nader described it to his da so i'm pretty sure he lied) i guess since the idiot dosn't know how to steer so he endded up driving on the opposite side of the road and then this car came and the ''saukerl'' drove offt he road and into the tree... so the tree thought him a lesson...not the car. he broke a leg and almost lost his teeth...and he's form four as of this year but at the time of the encounter it was still december 2008 so....

Anyway, omm (ommaira,my cuzzin and also form four this year and just had her P.M.R like Nader and Omar, the diffrencence is that she got straight A's and they didn't.... not that it's important but it proves that the prettiest face are the most 'bengong'...translation 'dumb'... which is Omar...i know it's bogus but i do agree Omar is cute...but he got 3 A' and Nader got 5...and he's pimply...but not that bad looking. when i told this to my granda when he called me to tel me their marks-the part about the cuttest face being the most bengong not about the looks of Nader and whatever- he laughed...so did my mum) also noticed me and came over with the other two cousins who look vaguely familiar but i can't recall their names (dosn't help that i suck with names) and said hi! we talked bout some stuff that i think would be pointless to write down here cuz its tottaly irrelevant and they wen't off... notice i didn't say Nader tagged along...either cuz he can't go around the chairs in the shop on acount of his crutches or maybe the fact that ever since puberty we (meaning me,nader,omar,amir and the rest of the guys who has reached puberty) havn't been talking to each other... i'm still very upset about this cuz when we were younger we were closer than MJ and his bleached white skin... we even met up in london together and squabled on a small baby size keyboard and in 2003 we had a flour fight and all went to the family day together and one of them apparently had a crush on me,i'm not gonna say more but i dont think he still has a crush on me but i think that he might be ambarased about it enough not to talk or act like either of us exist...maybe thats the reason all of us ain't talking...my mum said it's cuz they can't control their hormones and i think that that's bull...i mean, we're cousins and sure, acording to religion we can be married but still! we're cousins! and i just don't get them.

ANYWAY, all he did was give me a nod and smile so at least he noticed me and not acting as if i'm not there... so i waited for about 15 minutes and my mum called and told me to abandon our lunch and head out to MPH with strict orders not to go anywhere else. so i headed out and on my way i glimpsed Nader and started swearing in my head... i pretended like i didn't see him for reasons i myself don't know (maybe i wan't him to feel how it feels like to be egnored) and i also realised that i was walking right behind the three girl cousins and i said hi and moved past them into MPH and headed straight into the teen/adult section and i glanced at a book behind me and excidently saw omm's older brother from the corner of my eye with a look of regconization on his face...i pretended not to see him either since he to don't talk to me but we wern't that close when young so it don't really matter as much. a sec later i glimpsed him again from the side of my sight...he didn't aproach to say hi till a couple of minutes later... he said hey! what are you doing here and other mindless chat...
which i also don't remember because of the fact that at that moment i was thinking ''shit! i've walked into a volentarily mute family trap!'' ... it's not that i hate them or anything but its the fact that i've inherited my mum's likeness for privacy as in 'i don't like family other of my tight family circle to know what i do in real life...especialy if the male of this family has egnored me and enoyed me. i told capoeira bout this after the abrupt conversation with shanaz (omm's cousin) he told me to ditch them...but by the time the text came or by the time i read it i had already figured that out...

okay, i think i've writen enough...my arm's hurting....so buh bye till tomorow (if i manage to get internet excess... my mum has already paid the phone bill but the lembab telekom flers still hasn't reconected the line so i'm still depending on my mum's office computer till further notice)

writing book dilema

2007-12-28T08:13:00.000-08:00

one of the reasons i'm not giving details on my holiday is because of the fact that i only wrote down my ideas and the basic skeleton story in my writing book and i had so many ideas that i finished the whole book....and all the stories i wrote in the period of my holiday just happens to be skeleton stories. so right now i'm looking for the perfect writing book and decided to get the same type of notebook like i had before only in a different design but the problem is....i cant find it anywhere!
and since i'm stubborn i have to find that particular book cuz its the only thing that is both practical and nice to look at.... i'm not materialistic but i would like to look at a notebook and actually FEEL like writing in it...that on of the weird things about me. there are plenty of weird things about me but for the purpose of this article i'll just keep it at that.
i'm flippin' out!!!!!!! my holiday must be published!

p.s did i mention i can be obsessive at times to?

holiday,holiday .....or hellday?

2007-12-28T07:38:00.000-08:00

i got back from my holiday last sunday and couldn't find a computer with internet connection, since mine is fried...again and that i'll have to wait for my mum's friend to clear of the virus in my laptop and he's a doctor and so very busy... i think he's with the UN or something like that... he gets to travel often. Anyway, here's an outline of my 1 week holiday.

1st day

push of at eight in the morning to go to ipoh/perak ...not ipoh taiping..yet.
saw some sites
ate at ipoh club
set of to pinang
stayed the night with my mum's friend

2nd day
woke up early in the morning along with my mum's friend and her husband to go trekking
8.30am we started our trek and took 2 hours to reach our destination
once we got there me and my mum unpacked our tents (we were camping over at the beach)
we chilled out and met the most friendly flee ridden dog and tried to play fetch...sadly the dos was a bum
went over to the intersection where the fresh water stream met the ocean via beach.
hung out there and i tried to sneak a climb on the rocks nearby... my mum caught me a and as always panicked.
aunt and uncle left via boat

3rd day
got back to pinang via boat
checked into pinang club and took a bath to look human...or vaguely so
relaxed the whole day

4th day
took a 'becha' to fort cornwalis and took the same 'becha' (rickshaw...or resembling one) to the ferry station
went to the bird park there and got depressed ( the reason i promise will be reveled in later posts since i dont have the flash drive containing the picture of that sickening escapade)
got the ferry back home and took a taxi to the club
that nite we went to dinner with aunt and uncle along with aunt's mother (who has a tattoo on her right inner upper arm) and her nephews who were petrified i was a girl...but not as bad as a malay boy...they pretend i dont exist my mum says its hormones but i think its cuz they wanna seem macho.... it just seem to me that THEY'RE stupid... anyway, i had constipation which cut the dinner short.... by 30 minutes. went to penang swimming club to hurl and unblock the other end.
spent most of the nite in a karaoke booth at the swimming club.
went back to pinang club and slept like a log.

5th day

went back to ipoh...taiping at bukit larut and spent hari raya haji there with my grandma and pa as well as youngest aunt (they traveled from kajang and they dont live in taiping)
walked to the top of the hill with aunt and mum
hung out and slept

6th day
went back home to shah alam/ kajang

7th day
shoot of to melaka and that nite we went to jonker street in jonker walk (note jonker street ain't there if it ain't saturday nite)

8th day
went back home

there is more to the story..not to mention pictures and i left out the waterfall part at the very begining ...but i wanted to tell the whole story plus pictures....so watch out!

quotes and stuff

2007-12-14T02:43:00.000-08:00

-is there ever right or wrong in a war?
the light sees the dark
yet the dark sees darkness in the light
some say war is the testing of might
they say the stronger wins
in a way that is true
in others its just the arogance of man
war is more of a battle of faith then of strength
for sometimes the week of heart and faith
and keen on darkness and deceit wins the battle of strength
yet those who are strong in faith for their cause
for those who were weak of heart
join the opposition

-some people fear death because of the ending of life,
yet some think life is not worth living because of death,
they are both wrong,
life is only meaningfull because of death
if life was endless there will be an end,
if life dies the world will still perish

-perfection is sought apon by the imperfect
yet the perfect do the same

-in a city, the buildings are big and impersonal
in a village, the buildings are small adn to personal

pick up lines for the dumb and the sick

2007-12-14T02:02:00.000-08:00

these are toltaly stupid pick up lines that me and my friends have come up with that is both dissgusting and stupid..but hey! us girls do go crazy once in a while (except for me,i'm always crazy)

gal to guy

1. i love that shirt, where did you get it?

note: this line is ok...but not to be used when guy is in school uniform... you'll look dumb... yet some guys like that...

2.oh my god! you have such big muscles!

note: ewwwww..... cheap,whoreish and totaly ambarrasing!

3.hey are you single?... no? did i mention your gilfriend is a slut and she slept with my boyfriend/ yeah, she thinks we should trade boyfriends...so my name is...

note: this line will asure you a slap...or a punch...or a kick...or a. never mind.

4.no wonder you're so buff -this is said while starring at his lunch tray-

note:ain't that bad.... but darling he's buff cus he works out...its when you get fat that you eat a lot...go figure

guy-gal

1.you are so beautiful

note: this is both cheesy and it means crap when the guy is a playboy.

2.i'm sorry but i've got to go, this much treasure is sinful

note: is that an insult or a praise?

3. he's such a jerk for dumping you..

note:this is so sweet...but it means shit if he's oogling at your boobs or trying to feel up your ass... and if i were you i'll give him a kick in the groin and say "sorry its to small for my taste"
disgusting comment but worth a try.

4.let me show you how to 'swing' -while playing golf-

note:if you haven't caught on. he's saying that you're crap 'golf' and wants to show you how he 'swings' which is disgusting unless you're not muslim and he's your boyfriend.

okay thats it..i told you it's disgusting...

the loner,a fictional story based on my elders

2007-12-14T01:34:00.000-08:00

there was once 3 sisterswho lived together yet apart. these girls prove that even if you all have spots it dosent mean you're alike. the eldest was...is a loner.she's so caught up in her own buisness that the hardly cared for mindless gossip except when it concerned her. she isn't selfish yet she loves being right.

the middle sister was an absolute CONTROL FREAK. she wants all to be to her liking and if it ain't she makes them do what she wants...or tries to.suprisingly she's married as her older sis is. her husband loves her to pieces and i think that she is very lucky...he cooks to!

anyway, the youngest sister is truly an oddity.she isn't married. she still lives with her parents and most of the time they are fighting...especialy her and her mother. she totally lacks the confidence that her sisters have. i dont blame her, at school she was always compared to her sisters and she never came close. you see she was stuborn as hell and the more you press her the more she resisted. so the more the teachers pushed,the more she resisted. until now, she still hasen't gained the confidence that she so lacked. no wonder, she still lives with her mother...i'm not saying thats a bad thing, but living with her mom she is still unable to break out of her high school shell... when asked,she says that she is looking for an apartment..i say hury the hell up!

her mother has given up on her but she still stabs poison darts without meaning to. i don't blame the mother for wanting the best fr her child, but she has to learn to love the way her child the way she is and stop trying to change her.in a way both the mom and the child are a fault in this...and they never talked about it to each other... thats a major problem.

the youngest cared to much about what people thought of her, that is what's preventing her from being her own person. people are all diffrent and have diffrent oppinions...if you try to hard to please all of them sooner than later you'll die... and maybe when you're on the journey up there you might finaly realise that the only oppinions that mattered are your own.

i grew up with the fear of becoming like this sister, but i realised that she is perfect the way she is and that i'll never be like her because know her mistakes that she told me herself and i realised that she didn't want me to be like her either. i know i wont but i will always have a part of her in me because the fear i felt was there because i recognised her in me... i am me yet i have a part of her in me to...maybe that's the reason i'm me and not her...

yeah yeah i know that's confusing.that is why god invented our brains...so that we use them... suprise! suprise!

'emo's and hoppers

2007-12-13T16:54:00.000-08:00

ok... i am going on holiday tomorow and i'm really exited....obviously. i'm going trekking,camping and also i'm goin to go to a famous ghost house... thats the part i dont get. if a haunted house is full of people or known by many people...wont the ghosts run away? i mean, imagine living in a house that is walked freely by a lot of people that you dont even know... i'll run away. who wants a bunch of strangers hang around while you take a bath? i don't
so i'm not really betting on seeing a ghost there.but the rented bunglo i'm gonna be sleeping in for 'hari raya haji' is more promising. but i wonder when i do finaly find a ghost...umm i mean a REAL ghost,not the ones you see on the road everyday, that is a diffrent species altogether. i mean a ghost GHOST i'll run or stay and chat.... you can learn a lot from an elderly person...imagine a elder GHOST. they can be dead for a thousand years...not quite millions...have you ever heard of a caveman ghost?
hehe, what a weird idea. maybe i'll find out how they discovered fire!
so anyway, the reason i wanted to write this in the first place is to tell you of this old and stupid movies i saw this week. the title is "clueless" and alicia silverstone acted as the main character.
in this stupid movie, she fell in love with a gorgeous gay guy. she was divastated when her besfriend's boyfriend pointed it out to her...i dont really blame her... looking at the typical guy these days...alicia said that she cant understand why we are expected to swoon over these guys (we meaning girls) i cant help but agree. ok here's the lowdown, these are the guys who wear baggy jeans low that we are treated to a view of their boxer clad behinds,caps that are facing backwards (since they come from the south....hello! you come from the east....i'm talkin' bout' asian guys here),eating chewing gum that sticks to their lips and make them drool. yeah!!! huh.....
i ain't gonna swoon to that. to tell you the truth all the guys want is to smack that. thinking that girls want egoistic guys...ooopppssss, think again. most of us like sensitive guys....eeerrrr not to sensitive. the guys are the ones who make the girls cry, not the other way around.
there are also the wannabe 'emo' group of malay guys... these are the one who pretend to be a punk. in other words, they wear lots of black eyeliner,listen to rock,wear black... hello, there is more to being an 'emo' than just the physical stuff. they listen to rock cuz they relate to the lyrics.... whereas,the wannabe malay guys listen to rock cuz they think its cool.
ok,enough from the obvious... i gotta go. again.bye.

the waiting room

2007-12-08T19:21:00.000-08:00

The waiting room

There is a strange thing about the waiting room in a hospital. First of all it has no geographical bearing… it just is. It can be anywhere in a hospital. Just as long as there are people waiting in it for the fate of their loved ones.

The second thing is that if you observe the surroundings of the room, wherever it may be, you might learn something new… if you haven’t already.

The waiting room is always full…or to the very least, occupied by people in vain for their loved ones to come out of an operation or worrisome mothers waiting for the verdict of her child’s running nose, this room is always the best or worst place to be, depending on the situation…

This room, can be the most dreaded destination for a doctor bearing the heavy burden of carrying bad news, yet at the same time, it could be the best place for the doctors to be when having tasted the sweet and addictive taste of victory. The taste that leaves the doctor wanting more of it…more victory.

The room itself is unremarkable. Indeed it could be a hallway. Yet what attracts me to this room is the people. And more so, the people and their love for other people who (unlike the waiters) are the ones who were unlucky enough to be carried far behind the swinging doors. The worry, the guilt, the love. This is where everyone put aside their differences and hope together that the one behind the swinging door will survive so that their guilt for having avoided the encounter with the door themselves would be relieved. So that they wont have to spend the remaining of their lives looking back at what they should have done or said to that person or even what they SHOULDN’T have done. That is what haunts the quiet majority of them…the guilt.
The survival.

I have only been to the waiting room once. I’m glad to say that the operation went well. And I didn’t have a close personal relationship with the man who undergo the operation. Nor with his daughter or wife…
But the daughter is my cousin. So I had to be there. And I chose to.
But not for the patient’s sake but for my own, more complicated sake.
I was disappointed. The person I DID want to see wasn’t there… but I DID get a starbucks’ sticker. That did make it lighter…

All in all. My story isn’t one that relates to the dramatic side of the waiting room. But sitting there with my relations and other people who actually had something to worry about. I mean, yes the person I was waiting for was in the operation theatre… but it wasn’t his first…
Cancer is kinda hard to get rid of once you get it.
So I knew I didn’t have that much to worry about. I didn’t worry but those close to him did… but that is only natural…

the big make over

2007-11-24T18:27:00.000-08:00

here are sum trully stupid pics of me on holiday.... and a make over not so good, and sum babyphat stuff that totally rocks...

first...... the items..

those are the pics of babyphat...not that i wear the items.but i still think they rock

ok,here's the pictures of me after the makeover.

oops... wrong picture...hehe

not me...that's my cousin....hooohhoooo

BEFORE

AFTER

i told ya it'll be diffrent

BEFORE

AFTER

the devil don have to wear prada to be this bitchy

ok so this is a picture that i REALLY couldn't do much with so i just cut out their faces... before you see the picture you must know that these two have studied marshal arts and the art of the matrix...in this picture you have them demonstrating their talents
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2007-11-14T17:04:00.000-08:00

living in malaysia has its perks.... for example, the fact that there are four main races in our country... i'm not saying my country is devoid of racism... some of my people are the toughest racists around...not all mind you. but there are amongst us that refuse to take any other races into consideration....so it helps to be a mix of the nationalities...its the way to make SURE that you have an open mind.... there are of course pure bloods (of nationalities) that carry an open mind on their shoulders.... but not many and these people are the ones that i cherish and respect dearly...

these are the people who dont mind listening to music sung by these people

above is ms spears

mrs cristina

ms knowles

AND

Micheal Jackson

no offence to none of the singers above... i love them... including Micheal Jackson... i really dont believe that he did do what was said he did to that boy... i still enjoy his music..in fact when i was YOUNG i loved him and i still do...i mean he was...IS the inspiration of Chris Brown...that boy can dance his legs are everywhere....remind you of anyone? their style are different.

ok so the point of this article is..... if you dont have an open mind,there aint no good music...

stupidly comical but true...eh?

cuz face it...almost all of the video clips on mtv are of sex apeal and the sexy stuff.... so as a message to mothers with children under...i don know... maybe 11?

do lock your mtv chanel and hide the code in your sock...

as 4 the mothers of teenagers out there..... they are gonna know anyway. so whats the point?

lol. k, ms nuts is rollin outa here. ciou!

2007-11-13T17:03:00.000-08:00

the 1st pic is of the yggdrasil tree made in the viking age,this photo is believed to show the yggdrasil tree with the god named Viðópnir.

this one is a copy of the illustration from the Ockelbo Runestone, 11th-century Sweden.

this is my fav, this illustration shows the a 19th century attempt to recreate the view of prose edda.....

i passed a cinema and noticed the poster advertizing beowulf.

so i read the book and there is this treet hat facinates me....its called yggdrasil.

the world ash tree, i have no idea why but the name sounds damned familiar...i still cant recall where i read the name...

so anyway, i googled "yggdrasil" and went into wikipedia this is what i found.....i copied the text.... this is only a snipet if you want the whole thing you google it urself!

In Norse mythology, Yggdrasil (Old Norse Yggdrasill, IPA: [ˈygˌdrasilː]; the extra -l is a nominative case marker) is the World Tree, a great ash tree located at the center of the universe and joining the nine worlds of Norse cosmology. The trunk of the tree may be thought of as forming a vertical axis around which these worlds are situated, with Ásgard, realm of the gods, at the top and the underworld realm of Niflheim at the bottom. Midgard, the world of mortals, is located in the middle and surrounded by Jötunheim, land of giants, both of which are separated by the ocean. Yggdrasil is also sometimes known as Mimameid or Laerad.......

and this

etymology and alternative names

The most commonly accepted etymology of the name is ygg "terrible" + drasil "steed". While the name means the "terrible steed", it is usually taken to mean the "steed of the the terrible one", with Yggr the epithet of the god Odin. In other words, Odin's horse, referring to the nine nights he is said to have spent hanging from the tree, or "riding the gallows", in order to acquire knowledge of the runes. The gallows are sometimes described in Old Norse poetry as the "horse of the hanged." In the case of "terrible steed", the association with Odin may be secondary, and any number of riders possible. A third interpretation, with etymological difficulties, is "yew-column", associating the tree with the Eihwaz rune ᛇ.
Fjölsvinnsmál, a poem in the Poetic Edda, refers to the World Tree as Mimameid (ON: Mímameiðr, "Mímir's tree" ). The tree is also probably identical to Laerad (ON: Læraðr) a tree whose leaves and branches reach down to the roof of Valhalla and provide food for the goat Heidrun (ON: Heiðrún) and the stag Eikthyrnir (ON: Eikþyrnir).

as an explanation to prose edda mentioned in the caption of the third picture....

this is what i found when i googled it

The Prose Edda, also known also as the Younger Edda or Snorri's Edda (Icelandic: Snorra Edda) is an Icelandic collection of poems containing many stories from Norse mythology. The work was written by the Icelandic scholar and historian Snorri Sturluson around 1220.
The Prose Edda opens with a Prologue and consists of three distinct books: the Gylfaginning (c 20,000 words), the Skáldskaparmál (c 50,000 words) and the Háttatal (c 20,000 words). Seven manuscripts, dating from around 1300 to around 1600, have independent textual value.
The purpose of the collection was to enable Icelandic poets and readers to understand the subtleties of alliterative verse and to grasp the meaning behind the many kennings that were used in skaldic poetry.

cool huh....

but thats not really what i'm most facinated by...that would be reserved to the legend of fenrir..... i bet those of you who read harry potter the 6th and 7th book would find that name familiar... the origin of that name is from the wolf that is bound by....a gods chains...the chains were helped in construction by the dwalves.this wolf was bound by these chains...but according to norse legend the wolf is gonna one day grow so big that the chain imprisoning him will break and when it does the wolf will devour odin in his hall to be killed by his son.. cool huh.

k i'll be off.....but this is my thought if the legend of Fenrir is when he DOES burst free from the chain he might be to old to attack ANYONE...... he'll be an old wolf...

k.... c ya

memories

2007-11-01T19:16:00.000-07:00

i remember when i was but friends with my ex. i remember i used to wonder who thought him how to speak and also (amongst other things) how he got his impressive knowledge of trivial stuff like how an engine works and what is the capital flower of a country...all the technical stuff... but now i notice that he is lacking knowledge in stuff like myths and legends...which i am imensely interested in... but i cant say i'm the master. anyway,when i asked him about it he'll answer "the internet" and i'd be damn anoyed with him...how the hell was i to know what site he visits? when i asked him he dident tell him which got me really mad.

the only thing he DID say that was the slightest bit usefull is the fact that he cant keep his moputh shut about his "alex rider" who is a fictional character in "the alex rider series" by Anthony Horowits... and i used to make fun of him all the time. take note that we were close friends by this time. i used to make fun of him about alot of things...i still do only now i tease him about girls... i love to hear his response...they were always anoying.

i stopped making fun of him when i picked up this book that i loved titled "evil star" and i didn't see the author's name...it was...is Anthony Horowits... that was a sock up my 'archloch' i got hooked... and i now own all of his books in exception or the diamond brother series. the alex rider series and the powere of five..
i've got
stormbreaker
pointblanc
skeleton key
eagle strike
skorpia
ark angel
and there is snakehead coming but it still hasent reached my country yet

thats the alex rider series

raven's gate
evil star
nightrise
and thats the power of five series

anyway,i blame him for my addiction to anthony horowitz and also for my love of harry potter...books.

i was in the bus with him (at this time i was 8)
a group were talking about harry potter so i went to to sit with them...
.......fact......
i was WAY less shy when i was 8
one of the girls talking was someone i knew and 2 years my senior
i thought they were talking about the movie which my mum didnt let me watch at the time because she thought it was a ghost movie...a movie about witchcraft that would give me nightmares for weeks.and that i was upset i didnt get to watch

there were a few people but i only remember the boy and the girl. so i sat down and joined the disscussion...of course i only knew half of what they were talking about...
then i endded up talking with the guy and i found out that harry potter the movie was actually a book....that was the time tat i found out that movies can actually be made based on books. i was a big fan of reading even then...and i was 8....i started reading harry potter....well at least i set my mind to convincing my mum to buy the book for me...... it was a year until i actually got around to buying it... talk about distracted.

after that i got hooked and now i'm caught in the net...
in the later years i endded up telling this guy that the latest book on the power of five series is now on the racks and to buy the adhorsens series and so on...

hehe serves him right..now i can actually outsmart him in the ranks...well about most things.
stuff like computers and the best mp3's and mp4's i still ask him...in fact he was the one who told me to download ares galaxy to download and upload my music... which saved my life cuz if i hadent downloaded the program i would be stuck listening to my mum's ballads and song that were famous 2 years ago...
thank god...he can still be a pain in the arse sometimes...most of the time.
but he has his uses...which is to anoy me and to perk me up when i'm in a foul mood...he's aboyut the only one who can do it in 2 seconds flat. much to the joy of my mum who desided not to confiscate my phone because of his cure. ge thank god!
memories help you realize what you neglect and what you do... they are good
but not always intirely...

2007-11-01T19:08:00.000-07:00

this is an interview by teen reads.com about ONE of my fav writers...enjoy

INTERVIEW
April 13, 2006Markus Zusak is the award-winning author of four young adult novels: THE UNDERDOG, FIGHTING RUBEN WOLFE, GETTING THE GIRL and I AM THE MESSENGER. In this interview with Teenreads.com contributing writer Brian Farrey, Zusak discusses the appeal of reading and writing, and describes his experience in Germany while researching his latest novel, THE BOOK THIEF. He also addresses the similar threads that run through his work and even shares a poignant childhood memory.Teenreads.com: One of your greatest successes in THE BOOK THIEF was making Death a character with depth whose musings wax philosophical at nearly every turn. How much Markus Zusak is there in Death, and vice versa?
Markus Zusak: I guess there's a little bit of death in me, but it's probably true for everyone. I think I just applied the thought of how scared I am of death and reversed it. I thought, 'What if he or she or it is haunted by everything he sees humans do?' In that way, he's also like all of us, because we all have the same reactions to each other's behavior. Also, I had more empathy for Death when he was vulnerable like that.

TRC: In "The Word Shaker," the book-within-a-book in THE BOOK THIEF, Max weaves a parable for Liesel about the power of words to at once destroy and create. In the world today, who do you think is winning --- the people who use words to destroy or the word shakers?

MZ: What a question! Probably like always, it's pretty even, and the word shakers most likely feel lonelier because the destroyers are louder. Maybe the point is also that this is internal as well as external. We all have stories about ourselves that shame us, but also ones that give us the feeling that we're okay after all.

TRC: You traveled to Germany to do research for THE BOOK THIEF. What was that experience like? What did you take away that you didn't know before you started?

MZ: It was great. I humiliated myself sometimes when I spoke German (I'm pretty rough with it), but that's all part of the experience. It was great to simply walk around the streets where the book was set --- to see the river where I'd imagined Rudy jumping in to rescue Liesel's book. Research-wise, I found some things that were impossible to find in Australia, like certain records and annoying, hard-to-get trivial information. A good example was discovering the seasonal habits of apple trees, just in case someone out there would pick me up on a mistake. On a strange note, I did something a little sentimental, or superstitious...I carved Rudy and Liesel's names into a tree with a coin. It was at the river, and my fingers were really sore by the end of it. I wonder if the names are still there.

TRC: A common thread in all your books is respect and the characters who seek it. Ruben and Cameron. Ed Kennedy. Liesel and Max. All have varying degrees of success. Do you believe that the need for respect is a trait inherent in humans, and, if so, how have you seen that trait bring out the best and worst in your life?

MZ: I've never thought of the similarities between the books in that way, but I think I equate that idea with hunger. The Wolfe brothers are hungry to survive and prove themselves to the world and each other. Ed delivers people from one spiritual place and sense of self to another. And Liesel and Max show love and respect by sharing stories. As for myself, I only know that writing has given me that sense of self worth. Without writing and stories, I know I'd be miserable. I'm just lucky I decided early on what I wanted to do. Also --- and to finally answer the question now --- I think that a sense of respect is definitely inherent in humans. I guess we all want that kind of affirmation, from other people and from ourselves.

TRC: In a recent interview you said, "It's the little stories that define us, our existence." What's the littlest story you can tell about Markus Zusak that helps define you and your existence?

MZ: God --- these questions are incredible (in a good way)!One of my best memories of growing up is catching my first proper wave, surfing across it, with my brother cheering from the shore. My brother and I hated each other and loved each other, but that small memory shows me that we were really best friends.

TRC: How do the responses to your books from readers differ in Australia from the responses in the US? How are they similar?

MZ: I've actually noticed no differences at all. I just seem to get more responses from America, since it's a much bigger country.

TRC: Talk about your discipline as a writer. What routines/habits do you have for where you write, when you write, and how you write?

MZ: I try to write in the mornings, from about 7 till 11:30, then have a long break, then maybe do another few hours later in the afternoon. That changes towards the end of a book, when the hours become a lot longer. There's also a lazier routine, usually in summer, when I'm more likely to start work around 10 and move everything back. That's usually just because I picked up surfing again and go early in the mornings.

TRC: You've described THE BOOK THIEF as a challenge to write, taking nearly three years to complete. What sorts of writing challenges do you embrace? What challenges, if any, do you shy away from?

MZ: I'm basically a non-confrontational person. I shy away from blowing my horn at someone in the car (I think I've done it three times). I also agree with people rather than argue --- I can't help it. As for writing challenges, I don't know. I guess I shy away from writing certain genres. Fantasy. Crime, and so on. The challenge I take on is no different from any writer --- the doubt. Struggling to believe that the book is working is the greatest problem, but if it wasn't there, finishing a book wouldn't be the achievement that it is.

TRC: When you sit down to write, how much do you know about the story and the characters before you start, and how much of it comes from the process of experimentation while writing?

MZ: I generally have the start and the end first. Then I have other kinds of check points I want to go through. It's a bit like running a race, but once you've gone through each stage, you find that things will move around. You'll need to do certain parts up to a hundred times before you can move on. You might even find the end a little to the left or right than you originally planned. A good example of that is THE BOOK THIEF. Originally, Liesel was going to be arrested for book thievery, but when I made it to the end, it simply wasn't right.

TRC: THE BOOK THIEF is, among other things, a love letter to books, writing, and the power of words. What excites you when you write?

MZ: I love the idea that there can be one gem on every page of a book. It can be an image, an idea or a piece of dialogue --- anything. If there's one gem on every page of a hundred-page book, that's a hundred good reasons to read it.

TRC: What three elements does a book need in order to grab your attention as a reader? What are you reading these days that's making you take notice?

MZ: The first thing is the gems I just mentioned, the second would be story. While it's nice to have the gems, if the story doesn't captivate me, it makes finding the great images that little bit harder. Lastly, I think voice. Someone once told me that voice is everything, and they were probably right. If you can hear the characters or the narrator talking, they can almost tell you anything and you will go with them. I am currently reading the Australian classic, CLOUDSTREET, by Tim Winton. It is all of the things I've just mentioned.

TRC: Thanks so much for taking the time to talk to us! Final question: Can you tell us anything about what's up next for you?

MZ: I'm starting work on a new book now. I'm not sure how long it will take, but it's called BRIDGE OF CLAY. I'm afraid of it at the moment, but that's probably a good thing.Click here now to buy this book from Amazon.com.Click here to get the audiobook from Audible.com.-->
Back to top.
Interview
Aussie newcomer Markus Zusak brings readers into the gritty and often violent world of dogfights and underground boxing matches in his new, semi-autobiographical novel, FIGHTING RUBEN WOLFE. Read on as Teenreads.com writer Tammy Currier chats with Zusak about his backyard boxing days, his unique writing style, and much more.

Teenreads: Where did the plot line for FIGHTING RUBEN WOLFE, your latest YA novel, come from? Is it autobiographical in any way?

MZ: The plot came directly from my characters. I started out with these two [larrikan] brothers from a struggling family at the dog track and took it from there. I usually find that once I have the characters in a strange situation, I might stumble over an entire story.As far as being autobiographical, it is my first book, THE UNDERDOG, that most resembles actual events in my life. In FIGHTING RUBEN WOLFE, it is generally the feel of it that is most autobiographical, especially the relationship between the brothers. That's my brother and me all over --- not giving each other an inch at home, but willing to die for each other in the world.Teenreads: If so, which of the brothers, Ruben or Cameron, do you relate to most?

MZ: I'm definitely closer to Cameron. His thoughts, concerns, and fears come from me. The only time a little bit of Rube comes out in me is when I have to perform in schools or writers' festivals. Like everyone, I like to prove myself once in a while.

Teenreads: Your depiction of amateur boxing was vivid and violent. How much research was involved?

MZ: To be honest, not much. I did enough fighting in my backyard with my brother and his friends when I was growing up! That was enough to give me what I needed for this book. I used to spend a lot of time walking around Sydney, and that was where I envisioned the fights taking place.

Teenreads: Have you done any boxing yourself?

MZ: Only in the backyard --- and being younger and smaller than my brother, he really used to beat the crap out of me... We only had the one pair of boxing gloves so we decided to have just one glove each. It was all a bit of fun, really, until we got caught. Being kids, though, we kept doing it. We had to.

Teenreads: FIGHTING RUBEN WOLFE is about much more than boxing. It's about identity, dignity, loyalty, and love. What, if anything, do you hope your readers will take away from this book?

MZ: In a way, I hope for a combination of things. I do hope they feel the themes of fighting for your own dignity when it seems to be stripped from you everywhere you go, longing to make yourself into something, as well as the themes of love (no matter how little it is shown) and loyalty. But I also hope that people notice the style of my writing --- the different imagery I use and the shortness of it. I'm most attracted to writing that can describe something without detail --- where few words can have a lot of impact. Last of all, I hope people can feel the combination of humor and struggle. I feel that it's not only determination that gets us through hardship, but laughter, too. If people can both laugh and be inspired, I feel like I've done a good job. But I can only hope...

Teenreads: You've stated that, as a teen, you had no idea what you wanted to be when you grew up but that you understood the importance of stories. Why are they so important? Entertainment aside, what purpose do they serve?

MZ: Stories have always told me where I was from. Both my parents were immigrants to Australia, and their hardships and struggle to live decent lives are probably the basis of everything I approach. Also, when I see my friends, we laugh and carry on, and it's our stories that give us that laughter. I guess without stories we'd be empty.

Teenreads: Becoming a writer was very important to you. When did you first set pen to paper?

MZ: I was 16 and my first book was an absolute shocker. Like with most things, it takes me a while to adjust and get it right, so it took me several attempts. By 18, I'd finally written a manuscript. For the next few years, I struggled with ideas, always starting but not believing in myself enough. Then I wrote my first published book, THE UNDERDOG, just for fun, and gradually it became more intense, and I had the combination I wanted --- humor and passion --- and it was published.

Teenreads: Are there any books or writers that were particularly important in your development as a writer?

MZ: My favorite writer is Roddy Doyle, who wrote the Barrytown Trilogy, but I'm also a big fan of Hemingway. An Australian book, MY BROTHER JACK, is also a favorite of mine. Mostly though, it's where I'm from and my working-class upbringing that has influenced me most.

Teenreads: What advice would you give to aspiring writers?

MZ: I was a writer for six years before I was ever published. Sometimes we get caught up in finding a publisher, but I guess the most important thing is to believe that what we're writing is being done because it's in us and deserves to be let out. The other thing I'll say is to laugh about it a bit. I'm happiest in my writing when I just relax and have a bit of fun. My biggest mistake, a lot of the time, is being too hard on myself.

Teenreads: How has writing changed your life?

MZ: Writing has given me a purpose. Stories are part of me now, and it's everything I want to be. It gives me a chance to talk in schools and share stories, and now that I've been published in the USA and in Europe, I'm hoping to travel more and just write, rather than work in other jobs as well.

Teenreads: And finally, are you working on anything now? If so, can we get a sneak preview?

MZ: I just finished the last book in the Wolfe trilogy. It's called WHEN DOGS CRY and centers on Cameron Wolfe's desire to treat a girl right. There are beer iceblocks, girls, kindhearted barbers who can't cut hair at all, crowded train rides, a sticky situation between Cameron and Rube, and Cameron's final stand for himself and his brotherhood with Rube. --- Interviewed by Tammy L. CurrierBack to top.
INTERVIEW
MONTH DD, YEAR
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TBR: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
MHC: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Click here now to buy this book from Amazon.com.
Click here to get the audiobook from Audible.com.
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INTERVIEW
MONTH DD, YEAR
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
TBR: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
MHC: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Click here now to buy this book from Amazon.com.
Click here to get the audiobook from Audible.com.

the newest thing..and some old things

2007-10-30T19:18:00.000-07:00

bottom me n my mum....dont really know what we're doing...

pic of me n my aunt looking blur/serious

have i told you a bout my holiday in frazer"s hill?

i dont think so...but i think i posted it on my last three blogs (which i deleted) anyway,here are some pics...

above is the nice looking house and my mum's inability to diffrent shape my front from my behind.

gatal cat huh? i have to tell you guys that it's male...n no, he wasn't tame...which explains a lot...

the cat in question is probably the fattest thing in the horse ring....apart from the guy who sells the tickets for the ride.

dont look at me look at the flowers behind me.

so you've seen the pics and laughed at them....now let me tell you about the horses that i saw in this stable i went to in frazer's hill. the horses were and ARE bone thin.i could see their ribs and feel them when i rode the horse but i didnt realize how patheticly thin they were until i saw the photos that my mum took....its to sad for me to look at and post online (either that or i'm just lazy) but i'll try and look for the pic on my computer...cuz now i'm using the computer in mu mum's office...well not HER office...the place that she works at.. WAIT hold on....

here's the site ad... http://www.lunchatthelakeclub.blogspot.com/

there thats my mum's blog. she's doing better than me... great..overthrown by my own mother...HOW AMBARRASING IS THAT? well whatever i dont really care. the article is " my frazer's hill escapade" i bet u'll find it damn funny.. and why not? she reads oscar wilde books....that is about the ONLY type of book that she will be able to finish in one try...normally with her other books she reads half then stop reading to start with another... then a couple of years later she picks it up again to read the other half...and for most cases you can bet she dosent remember the first half so the whole proses starts again... i really dont get that..... do you? hhhmmmmm.

truth?

2007-10-30T19:17:00.000-07:00

People think they know me but what makes them think so?
Is it the way I walk?
The way I talk?
The way I carry myself?
Well…if they think they know me by my body language
Then it must be sending the wrong messages.
Because no one really knows me…
Sometimes I wonder if I really know myself…
All they have to do is look…and see…. and understand themselves for only then can they see everyone else…for what they really and truly are
Why do you think there are surprises?
Because no one knows anyone else fully
We even surprise ourselves sometimes...
So why do people judge?
Why do they pretend to know someone?
They kid themselves into thinking this is a predictable world
People think they know me but they don’t
They judge what is on the outside and never pause to look inside
They stick by their first impressions and that blinds them to everything else
They think that everyone is like them…
Empty on the inside so they try and make it up on the outside with cute shoes…
Not that I have anything against cute shoes and rockin’ material stuff I am a girl
But you’ve got to be pretty on the inside as well as on the outside
It’s important to think more than your exterior
It’s like a house
When you look at it on the outside its pretty,
Then you look on the inside, empty, devoid of anything personal
All you see is metal this metal that…no pictures… no memories
It’s unwelcoming
So, it’s the same with me.
Only they don’t judge me on the inside…they look on the outside
They see a shallow girl who loves to dress up…like them.
They think that by the style of my hair that I’m one of those material types
They don’t bother to see ME
They never once thought that I could be more than what they judged and convinced themselves that I am
Why is it that they don’t
I know the answer
It’s so simple that you could laugh…
They don’t know themselves...
They haven’t discovered themselves fully
Haven’t realized that looks ain’t everything
That they don’t know everything
That the biggest surprises are within themselves
I don’t think anyone really knows themselves fully

what?

2007-10-30T19:16:00.000-07:00

what?what?what?

Well first of all I now have a blocked sim card…I have no idea what sim card stands for but apparently mine is not able to be unblocked…so I have to make a new one since I refused to get a new number…. Like I would ever give up my beautiful number for a common one…. no way ever in living daylights! To many boys know that number not to mention a few people that I’m not gonna see again!
Gals from my track and field competitions that wont come back next year...
2 ex boyfriends and my ex best friend’s stalker.
MIA on the last one…thank god! I had a stalker once and he was a pain…
But I think he stalked me because he wanted to annoy me not because he had a crush on me…. I don’t really know if that is bad or good..Lol
I guess its more good than bad. I don’t want a lovesick puppy dog following me with his tail wagging… it’ll be nice to but an ultimate pain in the ass all the same.

Anyway, back to the original topic, my phone. So far I’ve gone 1 week without my phone and I’m kinnda enjoying the peace and quiet. I’ll have to replace the sim card this Saturday so I’ll have around 4 days more without my phone. It happened like this.

My mum drowned her phone so she used mine and I used my old…totally cheapskate phone. In this old phone I activated the pin code…when that happened the phone asked for my PUK code, and I stupidly put in my password multiple times since I didn’t know what in the living daylights a PUK code is… I put in my passwords repeatedly until my SIM card got rejected.
My mum has now gotten her dream phone after the whole entire Malaysia ran out of stock of the nokia 6110 gps navigator phone, she is now the proud owner of an Nokia Nseries model N95…. And I’m stuck with a phone that can not function… the only good thing here is that I now know what a PUK code is and I don’t have my annoying ex at my tail…to make it worse, did you know that my ex (my 2nd ex) is actually my BGF’s (best girlfriend) cousin. Talk about stupid on my half.

Despite all this I’ve enjoyed today. Probably because I’ve been in school for the first time in 2 weeks. And since its after final exams we can do anything we want… so I had fun.
Fuzzy painted my nails with the new nail pen I bought. Now don’t go thinking I’m a girly girl now. I made sure all of them had black painted on. And the designs are rocker chick meets sassy bitch. I offered to direct the choral speaking for our interclass competition. And be coach for our class netball team… so I was pretty bz. But in my free time I sang and danced with the gang… and I mean dance while singing in front of the class. No teacher entered and not many students were there but even if they were the gang wont really care. We rock like no bodies business!

couple versus bestfriend

2007-09-27T18:21:00.002-07:00

i was listening to the radio this morning where these guys were asking everyone to call in and tell them who they would tell their secrets...your best mate or your..well...mate (as in couple as in girlfriend boyfriend) kinnda mate..
this girl called in and said her mate..when the guys asked why she said because is her bestfriend..
from personal experience i think it isent wise to couple with your best friend..
its like putting your king and queen on the same rank on a chess board.
then your opponent puts a rook (a castle) in between the queen and the king with another rook backing it up..
you are forced to move your king because it is more important and the rook eats your queen.
if you dont get it:-
the king represents couple
the queen represents best mate
the rank means 'the same track'
the castle in an obtacle

so what i'm trying to say is (if you still havent gotten the metaphor) is when you couple with your bestfriend when you break up you wont have your bestfriend OR your couple..

it hapened to me..
i broke up with my bestfriend and now he is my ex
now we still talk but we arent that close to each other as before..
a sob story huh?
nah,it was in the beginning but now i'm stronger and i know not to mix friendship wit relashionships..
i learned my lesson the hard way.since the guy in question is probably reading this..i wanna thank him for making me stronger...and that i still think he's ladies skills stink.

i suppose it would only work out if you were married (something i am not about to do...for about...10 to 15 years)
i guess if your husband or wife is your bestfriend then that will work...unless you divorce...
that's wwwwwaaaaaayyyyy outta topic.
but i guess if they do divorce then it'll be wwwwaaaaayyyy more painful then if you broke up with your boyfriend(or girlfriend)

ok..dont be best friends with your couple or husband (or wife..as if any older married people would read my blog)...its like puttin all your heart in a blender...
its...very nearly...suicide
but i got out all right...
in fact i'm STRONGER then yesterday (yes i listened to britney when i broke up..i confess)

couple versus bestfriend

2007-09-27T18:21:00.001-07:00

isent it weird?

2007-09-27T17:47:00.000-07:00

aint it weird when you get a haircut that everyone starts noticing?
like i yelled 'look look! my hair!'
and sudenly everyone wont leave you alone?
as if they are starving about things to talk about and start talking about hair...your hair..
god help us...why does everyone wants to criticise?
GUYS!!!! i dont care what you think of my hair!
what i do care about is you shutting your TRAPS!
cant you do that?
for 2 seconds?
just 2 seconds...SHUT UP! i gotta study for my exam and all you can talk about is my hair!!
there you go....i got it out...
now...
i've gotten that put i can now compose my first blog entry.
hi!
i was recently having an exam in my class.
it was raining pretty heavily..
i was done with my paper and i checked it twice..
so i looked out the window and saw this huge tree...
its ripling leaves looked beautiful and the occational lightning strikes illuminated the surface and darkened the depths of the tree..
i wondered what animals hid in the depths of the tree, waiting for danger to pass..
it reminded me of people...
how they hide in the shadows when all goes wrong and come out when sunshine shines
i guess its human nature but it interested me anyway...
some of you might find this boaring..if you do you might as well scoot..
anyway,why is it in times of trouble we hide and save ourselves?
not all of us...but most
why dont we face it and let it make us stronger?
instead they hide and save themselves from any risk?
to me this is stupid.
you always have to take a risk when challenge comes along...
or else what the hell's the point?
you have got to stay strong and face the problem but you have to be flexible to...
its like how in a storm a weed survives from collapsing while the stiff oak goes timber..
the weed bends itself with the wind and yet at the same time it stands its ground...
get the metaphor?
good...now ask yourself...
would you wanna be a weed or an oak tree?
if you answered oak....
you are the biggest idot in the world...
first an idiot because you read this blog.....
the biggest idiot because you chose to read this till the end...
three cheers for yourself...
lol